www.incontinentsupport.org

Don't let an aid embarrass or dissuade you from getting the help you need. It does seem embarrasing at first, then you realize it actually isn't. They are very professional, and will help you heal and regain your independence fast than trying to cope with it all on your own.

Glad to hear your surgery went well rope. I feel you on having someone change you. After my ankle surgery I had a nurse for the first couple of weeks. At first I was embarrassed as hell. My nurse told me don't worry about it. They change diapers all the time. She told me the woman before me that she helped wore them too. She said she didn't care about changing diapers. It's a medical condition and shouldn't be seen as anything else.

Rope,

I'm glad to see you back. Good luck on continuing with good recovery from your surgery.

Rope,

Welcome back. My medical situation is such that I am forced to accept the assistance of strangers from time to time. Because my wife has arthritic hands, asking her to change me is out of the question. No way could she force a pin through a cloth diaper, or fix a tab on a disposable. And, I do much of the cooking at home. Embarrassing? Yes indeed. I console myself that all males look pretty much alike, that medical professionals see this every day they come to work, and that, soon, I'll be recovered enough to resume my precious independence. Allowing others to assist you, embarrassing as it is, is simply an unavoidable part of who we are.

Again, welcome back. Be careful with that shoulder.

That is a good way of looking at it, most guys look the same under their diaper so someone taking a look at it during a diaper change really should mean nothing. I've never had someone change me but I'm sure one day I will. Won't look forward to it, but will cross that bridge when I need to. And I will just accept it for what it is when that happens. I will try and be grateful that someone is willing to change my diaper. That's just the attitude I'm going to have.

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I decided I didn't need a signature

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. It does mean a lot. Quick up date, my wife took a few extra days off so my home care aid will be here Monday. My wife got strep throat so she has been down too but not so much she could not help me. The nurse supervisor did come by and we filled out all the paper work and got everything set up. I don't know if my case manager told them I was very sensitive about the subject but she was very caring and respectful about it. Never got a vibe that helping me with the incontinence was a problem in any way. While talking and getting things set up she asked if I needed any help with anything else and asked about showering. My wife has been helping me but I have not been showering as much as I had before mainly because it hurts and I don't want to be a bother to my wife anymore then I have been. The nurse explained hat if I washed everyday before I got hurt then I should be doing it now and with the incontinence, I should everyday. I had not thought about the CNA doing that but my wife felt it was a good idea and that I should have the help. Deep down I knew it was for the best and good to get the help, if for no other reason then to take some of the burden off my wife. So, not only will I have to get over the embarrassment of not only being seen in a diaper by a stranger but to have that person help me but now to have that person help with showering as well. I tell you, by the time thisto over, I won't have a shread of pride left.
But as they say, what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger. I can only pray that is true.

Rope,
I don't want to give you some sort of basic Answer, I'm sure it's no fun to have someone see you in your diaper like that and help you shower. I'm sure you feel helpless and weak. But you're not. Medically this is what you need. You're no less of a man or a person for it. Just like anything else, when you need help, you need help. It will definitely get better. You may be embarrassed but I promise your pride will be intact.

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I decided I didn't need a signature

Rope, I'm thinking about you, bud!! Hope all is ok. I've been following your story while I assist my wife from having shoulder surgery, bone spur and bursitis removed from her right (dominant side) shoulder. Of course she isn't incontinent, but is my caregiver at home, does my catheterizations etc. I can do the rest of my stuff myself but need help with the foley insertions. She is on the mend now 30 days post op and it is a huge weight off my shoulders. In time you will also begin to see some improvements!! Keep us posted, and remember to keep your chin up!!

Well I had Tha visit for the first time today and I have to be honest, it was no where as bad as I thought it would be. My CNA was professional and very confident in her skills and it showed. I was worried that I would have to do a lot of explaining and ask for each part of my assistance but all I had to do was tell the basics an she jumped right in there. It was all over before I had the chance to feel sorry for myself and I was so much better off after.
Now, something that may have helped was the fact that about 4 hours before the appointment the power went out and just as I was expecting her to get here, the power came back on right then so I had a good distraction immediately before she arrived. So what I am thinking at this point is maybe two weeks of needing help and I should be able to manage myself. Wish me luck and here is to a speedy recovery.

Rope

Rope,

In some ways, when the caregiver is competent and professional, the thought of needing care can be worse than receiving it. I was glad to read that you are recovering well, and that your needs are being met successfully and with minimum fuss.