www.incontinentsupport.org

Just chiming in to say the same. My incontinence started after any auto wreck & spine injury- at age 18- while in the Marine Corps. So many of us have "been there, done that", and I too would recommend starting off with more than you need then trying to cut back from there. Also, I know how hard it is, but you've got to learn to not be embarrassed by this.

Hey Mike,

I don't have daytime issues, but dude, I could have written that entire section about nighttime problems.

I'm 34. Wet the bed once or twice a year, usually not a full bladder, just enough to leave a small spot on the sheet before I woke up. When I was 30, I had a two week period where I suddenly ramped up to full on soakings, several times a week. Been that way since. No good medical explanation. Wife and I decided that diapers were the best way to handle it. Tried store brand and depends, to find they were crap. Worked my way up to and that's what I use now.

Question ... did you have bedwetting issues as a child? I did through grade school.

Hi Spartan. I had some bedwetting as a kid but it wasn't often. I have a handful of memories about it. If i had to guess id say i wet the bed a couple times a month maybe until first grade. It resolved around that age and kind of resurfaced to the once or twice a year baseline several years later. I was able to hide it pretty successfully until now.

Daytime leaking is quite minor and I'm hoping it stays that way. If I'm near a bathroom I'm fine. Most of my time is spent at home or office so it hasn't been that significant of a problem. Not every time I urinate is marked by this extreme urgency and risk of leaks. Maybe it's like 20% of the time. More often I can hold urine for quite some time. Then all of a sudden I'll just randomly get blindsided by an emergency. I don't get it, it's really odd to me. The close call at the end of my commute kind of scared me though. Luckily I didn't leak until I was home, putting my keys in the door. I take the subway though which can breakdown randomly and it could have been really bad. I don't need diapers all day but some kind of pull up or something might make sense for the commute. Lots to think about and get my head around.

I've been wearing diapers at night for a good few nights now. The abenas finally came today so tonight will be the first night in those. Surprised how thick they are!

The abenas are thick, but they work. I can sleep face down, and not overflow the front.

Add my welcome to the group Mike. Echo what everyone else has said. Don't forget to use the search function. It can help you find what others have said about different brands and don't forget to read the primer.

Hi, Mike, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing an uptick in your daytime urge incontinence and your wet nights. I'm happy to know that you don't have a serious medical concern and that your wife has been supportive.

As to pinpointing a cause for the worsening of your incontinence/bedwetting, do you know that folks with a bedwetting history are prone to a return/increase of episodes when they are under stress? Have you had a recent change in your lifestyle, i.e., are you and your wife expecting a baby, did you recently move/buy a new house, change jobs, have a death in your family, etc?

W.

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have a few nights in Abenas under my belt and am feeling pretty OK about things. They held up to a pretty substantial wetting last night. I woke up in a completely dry bed. That alone is worth the (intense) awkwardness of putting a diaper on before bed.

I bought some Tena Level 3 guards to try for my commutes. Since my day time leakage is rare and small volume and never happened in public I think I can get by with these. I tested them out at home and it's night/day vs the depend guards. They certainly wouldn't handle a full void but can hold a good 6+ ounces in strong spurts. I feel like this will more than cover my current needs. I think I will only wear these when commuting or when I'm in other situations where bathrooms are not available. I'm hoping exercises, timed voiding, and possibly meds will keep me covered.

I think the biggest issue for me is not feeling very manly in all of this. Relatively young, strong, active, I don't want my wife to see me as unattractive and less of a man. She's given me no reason to think that she feels this way, I'm likely just projecting but it's hard not to think that way. Not long ago I had no need for absorbent products and now I'm in diapers at night and now sometimes wearing pads in my underwear during the day. It's hard to feel like a strong tough man sometimes.

Thanks for all your support. In this thread and a lot of others I've read I'm able to get the sense that I'm not this messed up weird outcast, that I don't need to live in secrecy and shame, and that this problem is manageable. I keep telling myself I'd rather have a faulty bladder than a faulty heart. While getting a diagnosis of OAB gave me some temporary closure, now I'm kind of feeling disappointed about it. OAB is really just a name for a list of symptoms. It's not a definitive cause, and that's something I'd like to know. Maybe I'll get that answer some day, maybe not. Until then I guess I just have to play the hand I was dealt.

I think all the guys here can relate to that. I would further venture that the women here probably don't feel particularly womanly in diapers either.

I think it's something we tend to over emphasize in our minds.

I know I can relate. I was 18 and fresh out of Marine Corps boot camp when I was forced into diapers. Yeah it takes you down a peg or two, but you learn to cope in spite of the diapers.