A letter to my pelvic floor, by Kathy (May 2011)
Mon May 23, 2011 5:58 pm
Dear Pelvic Floor,
We need to talk.
I’m sorry, I know how I have neglected and abused you. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. Somehow, I missed how important you were to me back then. I’m so sorry for my neglect and abuse of you.....how can we begin to make things better between us? We share so much and yet, somehow we are not working in tune.....I hope we can make some changes before it is too late!
I think I first need to apologise for my lack of care for you after giving birth to my children....they really did take up much of my time, and I am afraid your needs got pushed aside in respect of their needs. I was young, and warnings about your needs not being met would come back to haunt me when I was older, fell on deaf ears I’m afraid. You know how it is, when we’re young, 50 and beyond seems like it’s never gonna happen!
Secondly, I then let your needs go unmet when I had my hysterectomy 20 years ago. I do have excuses, but I am not sure you’ll want to hear them. All I can say is, I am sorry, it wasn’t done deliberately, I just got it very wrong for you.
Finally, I have never been a slim person, and I know you have a lot of my weight to cope with. I am very aware how much this makes your job difficult, and again, I apologise and know that sorry isn’t enough.
I also need to add here, that the secrecy, shame and humiliation of a break down in our communications have made it really hard to even consider looking at how we can make amends. So, today, right now, I am coming out and telling the world about our difficulties and hope that this lets you see how determined I am to make positive changes.
So, what now.....I can’t promise you I will lose weight, as I haven’t achieved much in the way of permanent weight loss in all the years I have been obese. So, I’m not going to make empty promises, as that could be as bad as the neglect you have already been subjected to. I suspect you have noticed that I have been getting touch with you lately. I have to say, after all these years of neglect, you’ve been pretty difficult to find. Sometimes I think I have found you, but it’s never clear that it is you I am communicating with!
You will have noticed I have bought you some weights.....interesting, n’est pas? Again, I’m not sure we’re managing them correctly, and it’s very, very difficult to know for sure. It’s not like we can go and ask someone if this is correct! So, I think for now, we’ll carry on and see if there is any improvement in our relationship.
So, there we are, my sincere apologies for the previous 34 years of neglect....I really, really hope we can find a positive way forward and begin to work in harmony in the future.
My fondest regards,
Kathy.
We need to talk.
I’m sorry, I know how I have neglected and abused you. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. Somehow, I missed how important you were to me back then. I’m so sorry for my neglect and abuse of you.....how can we begin to make things better between us? We share so much and yet, somehow we are not working in tune.....I hope we can make some changes before it is too late!
I think I first need to apologise for my lack of care for you after giving birth to my children....they really did take up much of my time, and I am afraid your needs got pushed aside in respect of their needs. I was young, and warnings about your needs not being met would come back to haunt me when I was older, fell on deaf ears I’m afraid. You know how it is, when we’re young, 50 and beyond seems like it’s never gonna happen!
Secondly, I then let your needs go unmet when I had my hysterectomy 20 years ago. I do have excuses, but I am not sure you’ll want to hear them. All I can say is, I am sorry, it wasn’t done deliberately, I just got it very wrong for you.
Finally, I have never been a slim person, and I know you have a lot of my weight to cope with. I am very aware how much this makes your job difficult, and again, I apologise and know that sorry isn’t enough.
I also need to add here, that the secrecy, shame and humiliation of a break down in our communications have made it really hard to even consider looking at how we can make amends. So, today, right now, I am coming out and telling the world about our difficulties and hope that this lets you see how determined I am to make positive changes.
So, what now.....I can’t promise you I will lose weight, as I haven’t achieved much in the way of permanent weight loss in all the years I have been obese. So, I’m not going to make empty promises, as that could be as bad as the neglect you have already been subjected to. I suspect you have noticed that I have been getting touch with you lately. I have to say, after all these years of neglect, you’ve been pretty difficult to find. Sometimes I think I have found you, but it’s never clear that it is you I am communicating with!
You will have noticed I have bought you some weights.....interesting, n’est pas? Again, I’m not sure we’re managing them correctly, and it’s very, very difficult to know for sure. It’s not like we can go and ask someone if this is correct! So, I think for now, we’ll carry on and see if there is any improvement in our relationship.
So, there we are, my sincere apologies for the previous 34 years of neglect....I really, really hope we can find a positive way forward and begin to work in harmony in the future.
My fondest regards,
Kathy.
Mon May 23, 2011 6:02 pm
Hello, sorry for the odd way to join your forum.
I wrote this this morning, and posted it to my Facebook profile!
I also shared it with a group of Ladies on another forum.
I have suffered with stress incontinence for over 30 years (I think), although it might be 20 plus, since my hysterectomy.
For all of this time I've been ashamed and secretive. For the past 3 years I have been using pads, Tena Mini Plus, yet worry that these might soon not be enough.
I have also found that I sometimes need to empty my bowel urgently and this has become a worrying issue.
So, as you can see from my letter, I am working on my pelvic floor and I hope to get back to how it was when I was much younger.
I wrote this this morning, and posted it to my Facebook profile!
I also shared it with a group of Ladies on another forum.
I have suffered with stress incontinence for over 30 years (I think), although it might be 20 plus, since my hysterectomy.
For all of this time I've been ashamed and secretive. For the past 3 years I have been using pads, Tena Mini Plus, yet worry that these might soon not be enough.
I have also found that I sometimes need to empty my bowel urgently and this has become a worrying issue.
So, as you can see from my letter, I am working on my pelvic floor and I hope to get back to how it was when I was much younger.
Mon May 23, 2011 7:15 pm
Welcome Kathy.
There is a lot of good people here. The information most give is very detailed and accurate on dealing with problems that arise often from the challenges associated with incontinence.
Doug
There is a lot of good people here. The information most give is very detailed and accurate on dealing with problems that arise often from the challenges associated with incontinence.
Doug
Wed May 25, 2011 9:12 am
Hi Cathy 
So good to have you here I't will be wonderful to have another female on the board please stay active on here 
If you'd like to talk girl to girl "pm" me..............................Sandy 
So good to have you here
I't will be wonderful to have another female on the board please stay active on here If you'd like to talk girl to girl "pm" me..............................Sandy
Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:18 pm
Hello Kathy,
I am another lady here also and one who went through those weights and for whom they did nothing. I also had sudden urgent needs to go. I was a gymnast for 12 years and finally got to the point when I would have to go to the bathroom every hour because one jump on the trampoline and I would soak the pantiliner I was wearing.
The crunch was when I flipped a front somersault and squeezed my abdominal muscles so hard I found myself wetting my gym shorts on landing - not just the small bladder leakage from the stress incontinence, but my entire bladder emptied on me. :{
At that point (2001), my urologist told me about a surgery where they go in and suspend the urethra with a surgically placed strap. It had just gotten past the experimental stage, was approved for everyone, and better yet - my insurance covered the procedure which was an outpatient thing. Well, I made the jump and had it done and have never looked back since. The compromise I had to make was that I pee slower and it takes longer and I cannot have natural childbirth - only a c-section. For me that trade off was no problem in exchange for trading a future that was rapidly looking like it was going to include diapers within five - ten years at the rate my stress incontinence was progressing. I encourage you to look into it. The urologist who was the one who did the surgery and had a hand in developing it is in Washington State and I would be happy to get his contact info for you if you have more questions.
Denise
I am another lady here also and one who went through those weights and for whom they did nothing. I also had sudden urgent needs to go. I was a gymnast for 12 years and finally got to the point when I would have to go to the bathroom every hour because one jump on the trampoline and I would soak the pantiliner I was wearing.
The crunch was when I flipped a front somersault and squeezed my abdominal muscles so hard I found myself wetting my gym shorts on landing - not just the small bladder leakage from the stress incontinence, but my entire bladder emptied on me. :{
At that point (2001), my urologist told me about a surgery where they go in and suspend the urethra with a surgically placed strap. It had just gotten past the experimental stage, was approved for everyone, and better yet - my insurance covered the procedure which was an outpatient thing. Well, I made the jump and had it done and have never looked back since. The compromise I had to make was that I pee slower and it takes longer and I cannot have natural childbirth - only a c-section. For me that trade off was no problem in exchange for trading a future that was rapidly looking like it was going to include diapers within five - ten years at the rate my stress incontinence was progressing. I encourage you to look into it. The urologist who was the one who did the surgery and had a hand in developing it is in Washington State and I would be happy to get his contact info for you if you have more questions.
Denise