Convincing elder parent to wear better protection

[batman381327]

My dad is 88 and was recently diagnosed with cancer of the kidney. The doctor did not grab enough tissue to determine the kind though. Well one of the things doctor had to do was to insert a stint in the ureter with a string for removing it going through his bladder, prostate and out his body when it can be removed.

Well because of the string and I am sure other issues, he is a faucet. He has been wearing generic pull ups and of course they leak as his legs are two small. This of course causes leaks because of the gaps. I have mention getting tabbed diapers to wear as they can be adjusted better, easier to change away from home, a booster can be added, but he has flat out refused.

I still hint at switching, but my dilemma is how do I convivence him to switch without exposing I have to wear them also?

I have been able to hide the fact of me wearing stuff in the past, but I was only there a couple of days. this time I will be staying 8 days with him to give my brother and sister in law a break and I know it will be difficult to hide I have wear stuff also. I have thought about just coming right out and telling him about my condition and how I to denied wearing the lesser protection but eventually went to a tabbed with booster as I could not longer trust the others to hold. I know that if I do tell him, he in turn will turn around and tell my brothers and sister about it even if I ask him not to. Just how he is.

any suggestion would be appreciated..

[Steve M.]

Hard to know what to suggest, since I don't know anything about your family dynamics. For me it turned out to be best to just let them know what was going on with my body and how I was dealing with it. After initial discussion and that "pregnant pause" moment, it relieved a lot of tension for me. Maybe for them too. In the end they would have sorted it out anyway and either asked why I didn't tell them or it would have become "the elephant in the room". Wish you the best in helping care for your dad and working out the family issues in dealing with your situation.

[Patrick]

If you can look for a way to come out to your family, making it a non-issue, that may ease your discussion with your father. The need to deal with this issue is common among us, so keeping us informed will be useful indeed. Good luck.

[Stan]

Maybe a premium pull-up would ease the situation. I have Abena Abri-Flex Disposable Underwear L3 on hand for when I will be away from home for an extended period of time. They hold quite a lot.
As for telling family members, I guess my attitude is "why hide it"; I have a leak problem due to spinal issues and there is nothing to be done to fix it. If I don't want to leave puddles behind me I need diapers of one sort or another and that is just the reality of it; I also have to wear glasses to see clearly.

This is just another "old fart's" opinion. Stan

[JDinVirginia]

If you tell your family that you have incontinence and wear diapers, you are likely to gain a lot of credibility for your recommendations to wear diapers. By sharing with your dad you will become more persuasive.

When I told my family it was a non-problem and helped avoid a lot of awkward moments.

Good luck.

--John
(double incontinent)

[CityGardener]

I get what your saying. My siblings do not know about my health issues and I have no interest in telling them. I also would not want them to be told about it either. They would certainly not be judgmental, but probably the opposite with sympathy, and concern. That's just not a something I want to be commonly known in my family if it's possible. I don't want to be looked with pity, and I assume that's my ego that doesn't want to be seen as disabled, or different from normal.

Maybe your dad has similar things going on in his mind. I could imagine him feeling contempt for people already being all up in his business about his IC issues which he'd rather not be public about. Also, maybe for him the idea of him wearing taped briefs would be giving up that feeling of being a "regular guy who doesn't need to wear diapers."

IMHO I don't think it's something you can realistically push on. He would have make the decisions for himself. Insisting, or making a big deal about it with him would only probably only drive his foot deeper into the ground. If you can make him aware of his options without making it seem like your trying to invade his privacy and independence he may choose to do something about it.

Tricky situation. Wishing you and your family the best.

[realworldic]

One method that may help is to try to steer the conversation the concept of using the proper tool for the job... "yes you can use an adjustable wrench to tighten a nut but a proper wrench will always do the job easier and better"... Diapers are just tools to help and as many here understand a good fit will allow people to live a more active life and many of us have found the tabbed diaper gets us that better fit... juts the better tool for the job... you could also get a more premium pull up and hope it fits better... try different brands and sizes .. most of us work our way up to the right protection for our individual needs and we all tend to steer away from the diaper style at first...

[wayne]

Diapers are just tools to help

While very true, I think I would avoid the word "diaper" at all costs in that conversation. One slip of that word and all is lost.