Feel like a revolting freak need help with accepting

[sjpersonal]

Feeling quite revolted with myself to the point of weak thoughts of SH (part 2 from yesterday)
As part of my mind wants to use my "pads" for intentional purposes so I can hopefully accept the incontinence (as its sporatic) and when I have an accident or spasm really does my head in
The other part of my mind wants to SH to banish those thoughts as it is revolting wanting to actual toilet in the pads / diaper

I feel like a revolting freak as the incontinece issues are so sporadic due to spinal issues and my Aspergers can’t put up with it as so sporadic hence if I can’t be fully continent well...

I am torn mentally as been told nothing they can do as I have issues at l3l4l5s1 that is causing the issue as well as bowel constipation issues
I have no idea how to accept it do I keep fighting or use diapers full time as nothing they can do for me to fix the issue I am so torn after 11 years of this issue

[JDinVirginia]

sjpersonal,

I assure you that you definitely are NOT alone in this. I have issues at L2-L3-L4-L5 - as do several others in this forum.

I am double incontinent and understand the unpleasantness you must deal with. It is not easy. Everyone who is bowel incontinent has to deal with the same problem.

BTW, severe constipation, as I also have, causes overflow diarrhea, which often leads to accidents.

You are not a "freak." We have a medical condition that is not under our control. It is not our "fault." Don't beat yourself up emotionally over it.

Acceptance is very important and will come over time. How much time depends in part on how willing you are to adapt to your "new normal." I stress acceptance as it is critical to coping effectively with any form of incontinence.

I like to say "be thankful for your diapers." It sounds strange, but think how much worse it would be without them.

Focus on managing your incontinence. Using your diapers should reduce some of the stress you are dealing with. With some effort in experimenting to find what works best for you, you will have fewer accidents and your confidence will grow. Much of managing incontinence is about risk management.

Are you seeing a urologist and gastroenterologist?

Please feel free to send me a PM. It helps all of us to be able to vent to someone who understands.

--John

[Patrick]

For me, loss of bowel control is a mental challenge. I keep close track of everything I eat, take a stool softener with every meal, laxatives and enemas as necessary, and diaper up carefully to handle the occasional accident. Using Nullo and Devrom have pretty much eliminated the odor, unless I ate Mexican food. Accidents happen; that is why we call them accidents. Although I understand how incontinence can lead to depression, managing successfully should be a source of legitimate pride. As for feeling isolated and alone, the next time you go to a supermarket or a big box store, walk through the pharmacy section. The shelf space devoted to selling incontinence protection (diapers) for older children, adolescents, and adults is impressive indeed. If nobody needed, or bought those wares, that shelf space would soon be selling products that do sell. According to the Simon Foundation, and assorted marketing companies, there are tens of millions of us in the USA alone, and hundreds of millions of us planet-wide. If you are incontinent, you belong to a huge cohort of folks, with billion-dollar manufacturers eager to meet your/our needs.

[sjpersonal]

Should I train my body to intentionally use them so my mind can accept it with therapy as well as get to the point I am not scared of accidents if I hydrate myself

As people tell me to accept it but unsure what they mean

Sorry thanks

[JDinVirginia]

Stop tormenting yourself. Accept that you are incontinent and then get on with life. That is what we mean about acceptance.

Just wear and use the diapers - that is what they are for. Don't fight it. As your "new normal" they are just your underwear. No big deal.

Focus on doing the best job you can at managing your incontinence. Experiment with different diapers to find the best ones for you. Same with plastic pants. Your doctors treat medical conditions but cannot advise you on daily managing your incontinence.

It will get better over time but there is a learning curve and you must be willing to work at it.

I just had a bowel accident and am sitting here in a messy diaper. I say this because I am not going to agonize over it. Instead, I am about to get up, clean up and shower, and get on with my daily activities. I am not going to fret about my bowel or bladder incontinence.

I have found things that work well for me (diapers, rubber pants, onesie, a good bowel program, etc.). I will let them do their job while I have an active day.

--John
(double incontinent)

[mal70]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. it seems quite helpful to see what people are going through in the later years. I am new to site and appreciate the comments on this topic. I just figured out the web site how to reply. I still can't figure out how to make a post. Sorry to mention that as side point but I can't find help on making a post.

[john1050]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. it seems quite helpful to see what people are going through in the later years. I am new to site and appreciate the comments on this topic. I just figured out the web site how to reply. I still can't figure out how to make a post. Sorry to mention that as side point but I can't find help on making a post.

Congrats!

You just 'made a post'. I just read it.

Welcome here.

j.

[mal70]

Thanks for reply to post question. Apologies to use this forum to ask for help. So I can generate a post as a reply. How do I send a private message? I click on pm and the to field does not allow me to enter data. How do I contact admin for help?

[batman381327]

No apologies are needed. I cannot tell you the numbers of times I have vented on here and asked for advice. That is the whole purpose of this forum and I am glad Schoppy built it. Plus, to all the previous moderators keeping it on topic and not allowing improper post to be here.

[RetiredRN]

I also want to advise you to accept the fact that you need diapers. I do. I also do anything that I did before I needed diapers. I lead a full life and you can do that too. Once you find how long you can wear (and use) your diaper you will not need to worry about leaks. As said before "they are just your underwear".