www.incontinentsupport.org

DJ and Don, We all can loose ourselves under the stress of incontinence. Our perspective on life changes and that is not good or right. I know I have at times punched walls in frustration or stayed home from some event or gathering because of having to wear diapers. It was easier to just stay home and avoid the hassle and possible embarrassment that could occur. It takes courage and planning and time to "go forth" with trying to live the life around us. "Loosing friends..." That hit home. It made me stop and think. 1968...I was the "old man" in my Company in Vietnam (I was 21) and around me were 18 and 19 year olds who would never have kids leave alone get married. "Kids" who lost arms and legs and worst. (Death I learned was NOT the worst thing that could happen to you.) Now I fear leaking out more than I feared walking point. Perspectives...what has happened to me? Reading the posts has made me stop and think. My late wife one easter took some old ugly 18" tree looking thing from the basement that had been given her as some modern decoration. I asked her "do you really like that thing?" She said no...but! She loved to decorate for any holiday. By the time I got home from work that night the "Ugly thing" had been transformed into a laughable "Easter Bush" with cheap flashing carrots and little bunnies and eggs and other gaudy ornaments. The look on my face made her laugh. I turned to her with some stupid look on my face and she said to me "Paul, I have decided that if it makes me smile...I will buy it. Since her death I have lost her spirit and sometimes childish enthusiasm. Signally she was the brightest person I ever met. Her intellect though never interfered with her love of life and her ability and strength to be spontaneous and fun. The cancer took 2 years to take her and yet till the end she did not let the Chemo, radiation, meds, and knowledge of her impending death take away her spirit. I, we all, need to remember perspective. Teddy Bears? What ever? I am going to try to remember her words..."If it makes you smile...buy it!" Papa

Paul, Her three strongest mantras were 1. Always do the right thing! 2. Never stop learning. and 3. Always take a book with you where ever you go. I am proud that both our sons have lived up to her expectations. One went on to Business school and got his MBA. The second went to law school and is now not only a lawyer but an ADA (Assistant DA). Both carry a book everywhere and both are men i am proud of.
My oldest quit his job (at 37) to spend time with his 3 children and wife. He was making upper 6 figures and when he announced his leaving the company said they would push his salary to 7 figures and make him CIO of the company. He said "Thank you...but No Thank you." He is a saver and not a spender as is my daughter in law. You would think she would have flipped out but she actually says having him home is something she loves. He will go back to work some day but wants to run an Iron Man and write a book first. I wish I had been able to follow in his foot steps. He has his mothers' brains and attitude on life. MY other son is divorced because his ex a Malaysian wife, of Chinese decent, cheated on him 13 months after they got married. It has scared him but he is also a wonderful person - presently in China for the wedding of a friend. I have 3 Grand kids by my oldest - the latest - a girl - is a dead ringer for my wife and her mind and attitude is scary. When i look into her eyes it is haunting because the last time i saw them I was closing them witht my fingers in a hospital room - my wife's eyes. Papa