@Ellyn: You “should” be able and allowed to do whatever it takes to deal with and cope with your health issues so that you can enjoy life as stress free as possible.
That’s simply my thoughts on this disturbing (to me) subject.
Ellyn, I appreciate your thoughts and glad that you don't feel the need to hold back. This struggle is difficult for me to share. And no, there were no AB/DL tendencies prior to getting married or presently. We've been married about 4 decades and raised 3 children.
In the beginning, she was supportive and I tried what I thought I needed to try, even though it was all new to me. To date I have fearlessly tested (at home) all sorts of protection except for cloth diapers. At one point though, I was taken aback by her negative response to my testing of the MegaMax (a great product). She didn't like that at all, even though I went ahead and tested it anyway (it was not like she had to see it). That unexpected experience has shaken my confidence.
@Patrick: I am puzzled by your reluctance to use pins if you're considering cloth protection.
This is because of the stigma of my Mrs thinking that it is a "baby diaper" (she said this of the MegaMax).
This does frustrate me to be sure. But I'll also admit that I don't need to move to cloth immediately. Perhaps the best answer is "not right now".
I plan to migrate to velcro belted briefs for my away from home diaper soon (replacing GoSupreme and Abena Abri-Flex). She doesn't need to see them initially. Eventually I will let it be known and she'll protest. But she'll accept it. I just hate playing these stigma politic games.
Part of the issue is that she doesn't want to learn what I have learned in the last 6 months (from here). So we need to talk about it more but these conversations are difficult. We talk about most things but this is seemingly a sensitive area. My oldest daughter on the other hand has no trouble at all and jokes with me about it. Thanks for bearing with me on this post. I expect that time will put things right.