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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2021 11:35 am 
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So far, I have only woke up wet once but expect more down the road. My only other nighttime episodes are due to being awake and lying in bed too long thinking "I should get up and use the toilet". If I procrastinate the bladder urge decides. Either way, the pull-ups are terrible for leaking into the bed and mat. This is embarrassing. As well as my wife takes this, I know that it quietly pisses her off.

I thought that the NS GoSupremes would be good enough for now but they do leak in bed. Not only that, but I've been thinking about cost. Due to the Mrs own biases, let's exclude briefs for now. I don't like re-using a dry disposable (GoSupreme might get re-used a 2nd night) because I perspire a lot at night due to my diabetes nerve damage. All of this is making me consider the possibility of cloth diapers that can be washed and re-used.

Looking at website offerings so far has me so far confused about what to choose. Not only that but sifting through all this ABDL stuff is annoying. I don't want little baby animals or prints. So I am trying to figure out where to start product-wise that both my IC self and non-IC wife can live with.

She will not likely support a pinned on diaper, given her "aversions". I see that "hook and ladder" is another name for velcro, so that seems like one possibility. I see that there is also a pull-up style as well as a all-in-one (AIO). But I don't think I like the AIO idea from a durability POV.

I usually order from healthwick.ca but they only seem to have one choice: https://healthwick.ca/collections/washable-and-reusable-incontinence-items/products/rearz-super-snap-fitted-adult-diaper . Anyone have experience with this product? Do those snaps ruin the plastic pants over time?

Suggestions?


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2021 5:14 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:52 pm
Posts: 261
Location: Central Texas, USA
Hi Wayne
My instinct tells me to stay quiet and mind my own business but I hope you and everyone here will indulge me for sharing my thoughts just this once….
First, I’ve been incontinent all of my life. When I married nearly 18 years ago, my husband knew what he was getting into and I told him then that my incontinence and other health issues were likely to get worse over time. God save him, he married me anyway! He continues to be amazing and my rock for support and loving care.
This site, as far as I know, is intended for people that suffer legitimate health related incontinence issues and Not a fetish thing. With that in mind, I assume that you didn’t begin your relationship with your S.O. as an incontinent man. Over time, you developed health issues that is affecting your continence, be it short term or long term. As a meaningful part of your life, I would expect my S.O. to understand my health issues and help me cope with them and Not hinder my coping by adding undo stress in my life. Incontinence is stressful, though it can be as little or as much as we And the people closest to us allow it to be. An understanding and supportive S.O. can make all the difference in the world in coping and keeping life as happy and as normal as possible for us. You “should” be able and allowed to do whatever it takes to deal with and cope with your health issues so that you can enjoy life as stress free as possible.
That’s simply my thoughts on this disturbing (to me) subject. I wish for you nothing but the best of luck and my heart hurts for you.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2021 8:07 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:45 am
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I am puzzled by your reluctance to use pins if you're considering cloth protection. I wash and change alone in the bathroom. When I finish, nobody can see my protection; I could use Velcro or Scotch tape. I do all my own laundry, and most of the rest of the household laundry too. The decision should be based on what works and is most cost effective. Good luck.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2021 11:04 pm 
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Quote:
@Ellyn: You “should” be able and allowed to do whatever it takes to deal with and cope with your health issues so that you can enjoy life as stress free as possible.
That’s simply my thoughts on this disturbing (to me) subject.

Ellyn, I appreciate your thoughts and glad that you don't feel the need to hold back. This struggle is difficult for me to share. And no, there were no AB/DL tendencies prior to getting married or presently. We've been married about 4 decades and raised 3 children.

In the beginning, she was supportive and I tried what I thought I needed to try, even though it was all new to me. To date I have fearlessly tested (at home) all sorts of protection except for cloth diapers. At one point though, I was taken aback by her negative response to my testing of the MegaMax (a great product). She didn't like that at all, even though I went ahead and tested it anyway (it was not like she had to see it). That unexpected experience has shaken my confidence.

Quote:
@Patrick: I am puzzled by your reluctance to use pins if you're considering cloth protection.

This is because of the stigma of my Mrs thinking that it is a "baby diaper" (she said this of the MegaMax).

This does frustrate me to be sure. But I'll also admit that I don't need to move to cloth immediately. Perhaps the best answer is "not right now".

I plan to migrate to velcro belted briefs for my away from home diaper soon (replacing GoSupreme and Abena Abri-Flex). She doesn't need to see them initially. Eventually I will let it be known and she'll protest. But she'll accept it. I just hate playing these stigma politic games.

Part of the issue is that she doesn't want to learn what I have learned in the last 6 months (from here). So we need to talk about it more but these conversations are difficult. We talk about most things but this is seemingly a sensitive area. My oldest daughter on the other hand has no trouble at all and jokes with me about it. Thanks for bearing with me on this post. I expect that time will put things right.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2021 4:20 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:44 pm
Posts: 400
Location: Seattle area
wayne wrote:
This is because of the stigma of my Mrs thinking that it is a "baby diaper" (she said this of the MegaMax).

You might want to try the tie-die or other colored variants of the megamax. They definitely do not look baby-ish.

BTW, you should try out the cloth strap diapers at home first. My own experience with those is not so good.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2021 7:52 pm 
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Hi Wayne,
I know I've mentioned to you on another post where you had remarked about your wife accepting your issues with IC, that I couldn't fathom not having the support of my spouse. Becoming incontinent has been life altering, emotionally stressful, and painful, and I am blessed to have people around me that love me and don't make me feel any different, or lesser in some way.

I don't know the dynamic between you and your spouse but TBH she kind of sounds like a Bully. The comment you said she made about something looking like a baby diaper, if not incredibly insensitive and a direct ridicule, is a very manipulative, passive aggressive thing to say to someone who is incontinent. Again, I don't know you, or the context of that conversation but I can only think of how cruel that sounds. It's bad enough to have to start wearing these things, and dealing with embarrassing health issues but to be judged, and made to feel worse by someone you trust is very sad. It's abusive.

Sorry for not answering your original question. After reading the other comments I thought I would chime in on the this topic too.

Rearz is pretty much a cesspool if you are really trying to avoid looking at all of the garbage.

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JW
-Peace is not the absence of turmoil or a place to hide from the world. Rather, it is God's reassuring gift that He is with you, no matter what you face or where you are.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2021 10:19 pm 
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TBH she kind of sounds like a Bully

The problem with describing the situation here is that it will always lack the full context. If you knew her you would not call her a bully. She has been supportive. She did however, have a problem with the MegaMax. Perhaps she was thinking that I was going well beyond what was necessary. People come with their own builtin biases. We've already seen reported in this forum where some wives didn't like their husbands wearing white diapers, while others that didn't like coloured ones. We're dealing with stigma rather than rational objection.

All of us here are keenly aware of the challenges of incontinence and would resent someone saying what she said. Do I resent it? Yes but I know she is not fully informed. It's like telling someone to "walk a mile in my shoes", except here it would be "walk a mile in my diaper". She doesn't understand that pull-ups leak and that briefs are better etc. My challenge is to gently educate her in these things. Things that she didn't really want to have to know.
Quote:
It's bad enough to have to start wearing these things, and dealing with embarrassing health issue..

I totally agree with that but it is not only me that is dealing with this unwelcome change. I love my wife and we take care of each other -- she has serious health concerns of her own. It's only frustrating because I tend to move quickly once I decide what needs to be done. So, yes, it was an irksome thing to hear. But I'm over it and will work through this. I'm going to suggest a new saying with a bit of humour, which I think is original:
Quote:
The thicker your diaper, the thicker your skin needs to be

Perhaps there is some wisdom to that tie-die MegaMax after all :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2021 10:22 am 
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In light of things mentioned about my better half earlier, I feel an update is now in order. As part of preparing for my trip, which is about 6 to 8 hours away from home, she has been helping me plan. Having discussed the original plans of changing in restrooms on the way up there, she didn't like the fact that I would have to remove pants to change a pull-up (dirty floors etc.). So she's now onboard with briefs.

But the whole problem of bringing a bag into the restroom and back to the car without outing myself was keeping me up at night (I'm riding with 3 other guys). So I made the decision to wear the tie-dye MegaMax that I ordered recently because I know it has the capacity. I introduced that idea to her last night and she is ok with that now. She understands that the MegaMax will allow me to make the whole trip without requiring a change and yet allow me to use the toilet if I need to. She did like the idea that they also came in blue. So I think in future, I'll get blue to avoid unwanted attention if the back rides above the waist (there is a still a surprising amount of white on the tie-dye).

The conclusion of all this is that she is being supportive as she adjusts to my new normal and the special situations. This is a relief since it removes some stress as we both adjust to some difficult changes. I love her for the person that she is and am fortunate to have her in my life.


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