www.incontinentsupport.org

Somewhat paradoxically, urge incontinence can be alleviated by drinking more water.

One of the triggers for urges is concentrated (highly acidic) urine. Drinking more water produces more dilute urine, and your bladder may in fact be willing to hold more as a result.

Pubic hair is another source of objectionable odor. It provides lots of space for the microscopic critters that cause rash and odor to colonize. Shaving, with your wife's permission, can go a long way to diminishing both rash and odor.

Jms,
I understand what you are going through

In the beginning I also have trouble and issues with smells, stains and stuff
Being dehydrated can cause several issues:
1) as Spartan pointed out, dehydration-> increased urine concentration ->irritating bladder -> tends to increase frequency/urgency/incontinence/whole slew of urinary problems
2) dehydration-> increased urine concentration-> increased odors and more bacterial growth!
3) increased urine concentration-> more skin issues in especially incontinent folks. Ie incontinence dermatitis - also called "diaper rash"

Drinking ample water actually decreases many of these issues
In order to better address odors I recommend couple things I have found helpful- I am still trying to better handle some of my own odor issues that sometimes comes up but these things have been very helpful:
1) more frequent diaper changes
2) more frequent showers- try if possible to shower after changing out of wet diaper
3) use deodorants/creams/powders/shampoos. There are whole bunch of skin cleansers especially for incontinent folks with odor control. Many smell nice- I kinda like the lemony smell of the aloe vesta cleanser
4) Lysol sprays and other odor neutralizers- maybe try spraying some perfumes and deodorant around the house - especially wife's favorites??
5) maybe if you haver already, try to at least trim your pubic hair as Patrick recommends. Hair especially pubic hair catches a lot of bacteria, germs and odors - trimming it short helps you to keep them at bay and makes cleaning easier. Also trimming it might make your flag pole seem bigger - which can be a silver glimmer in a lousy rut
Hope these tips help!

Hard one to crack, what to do.
Until I have talked with my urologist, I'll maintain my fluid intake though it does increase the frequency a bit more, however I did notice that when watering up, my output increased but no real difference in terms of urgency
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I'll give the products mentioned to reduce odor issues a try and see if they helps with the stinging. In regard to keep the hair down, well I already do this, though not for reasons mentioned by @kdlstar.... I'm satisfied with what I got down there and so is my wife......so to speak, both of us just don't like being that "hairy" down there anyway