www.incontinentsupport.org

I sorry if this is in the wrong spot, but as the subject line says, I'm new to to the community. I'm a mid fourties white male who has found himself in diapers for the second time in my life. I was a bed wetter until my mid to late teens so I wore diapers to bed every night. For a while it looked I was going be a wetter for life until it finally tapered off. I still have occasionally bedwetting to this day, but it is rare. I wish that was my problem now. I'm also sorry if its little long, but I guess I need to talk. Right know I'm dealing with fecal incontinence, cause still to be determined. If ever. Sorry to sound a little pessimistic, but my gastrointestinal doctor is still running tests. The only good news is there was no sign of colon cancer after my colonoscopy. I started having night time bowel movements in my sleep about four years ago. They were infrequent but over the years have become more common. At first I bought a vinyl mattress protector and kept extra bedding handy for my accidents. This was fine as long as they were infrequent, but as they became more common, I had too many interrupted nights sleep that left me tired at work the next day. I would have to change all my bedding and usually shower after an accident. I was rarely able to get back to sleep after all that. Since diapers were something I had used before, I started using them again. I was too embarrassed to go to my doctor at first. I then started having an occasional minor accident during the day. I had many close calls where I barely made it to the bathroom. Several times I left a spot in my underwear that fortunately didn't soak through to my jeans. Before I started taking extra clothes to work, when I had a close call, I'd cut my undies off and go commando the rest of the day and pray. I really didn't want to go diapered in public especially at work out fear of detection. Like my night time accidents, my day times became more frequent and worse. The final straw was the most humiliating day of my life. I was on my home from visiting family. They live about 3 hours away. I was about half way home and needed to pee. I decided to stop at Wal-Mart to use the restroom. I went pee and had no indication I needed to go number 2. I had been having diarrhea lately and taking imodium. This is nothing new for me, I've had issues with diarrhea since my gastric bypass about 12 years ago. About halfway out of the store I had a massive abdominal cramp and cut loose. I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't even move for several seconds and I could feel it running down my leg. When I was finally able to move, I got out the store as fast as I could. I know people could tell from the way they looked at me and wouldn't be surprised if I left a trail as speed walked out of the store. It was a very long drive home as still had over an hours drive. That's when I started wearing diapers pretty much all the time except work. I gave into my wife and made my first doctors appointment. I still am very self conscious about wearing diapers in public, but I have worn a Confidry 24/7 around home with a compression garment and my wife says it is unnoticeable. I still try to find something thinner that offers enough protection in a worst case scenario, but nothing makes feel as secure as the Confidry. Since my doctor is still running tests and has warned me to be in this for the "long haul" I plan on being in diapers for at least the near future. I will never go through again what I went through that day at Wal-Mart. I suppose I can handle it. I remind myself there are worse things I could be dealing with like cancer, AIDS or other disease or illness. I would like to go swimming again someday and diapers are hot in the winter, I hate it in the summer. I just don't feel comfortable wearing shorts in public. The only place I have trouble wearing diapers is the one place I need protection the most, work. I have worn them when my diarrhea was bad and I was afraid I'd have an accident, but I was a nervous wreck. I wore a Tenna slip maxi for discretion, but I was still afraid it would be noticed or wouldn't offer the protection I might need. I've lost about 50 pounds over the past 6 to 9 months so most of my clothes are really baggy. That's why I think the Confidry is not very noticeable under my blue jeans. Even so, I'd never wear it to work despite the level of protection it offers. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I'd rather not risk it. I still only wear to work occasionally. I need to do regularly because I know I'm tempting fate every time I go unprotected. These questions may have been have been answered already and if so I'm sorry, but what have guys found to offer the best balance between protection and discretion for fecal incontinence. Am I the only having trouble wearing to work and how did you cope. I recently told my boss about my incontinence because I missed a lot of work since this started. I didnt give him details, just that I was dealing with fecal inccontinence. I was afraid I may have to leave suddenly and figured he may be more understanding if he knew what I was dealing with. He was surprised to say the least and asked if I needed anything to help me through this. I'm wondering if I made the right decision to tell him since I had a doctors notice with non specific excuse. Sorry if this is little rambling and disjointed, but I'm not the best writer and I'm still dealing with some of emotional aspects of this. I never thought I be looking at a lifetime in diapers in my fourties. I will persevere but this not an easy thing to deal with. Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the forum diapersagain, sorry to hear of all your issues. I do not have bowels to deal with, but recently got samples with an order from this co. and these may work, they are a full size pad, but worn under compression underwear and maybe a waterproof cover pant, they could possibly work? http://agecomfort.com/abena-abrisan-air-plus-pads-x-plus-11 There are a few on here that may have better solutions for you! Puffy

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Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

Hello diapersagain and welcome. You are having to deal with a lot but it appears that you are coping well and are on the right track with trying to find the best protection for your problem.

I'm bowel incontinent with periods of bladder incontinence and wear diapers 24/7. You already are looking at the best diapers for bowel incontinence. I wear Confidry 24/7 with jeans, Tena Slip Maxi with dress clothes, and Super Seni Quatro (a breathable). I always wear a pair of plastic pants. When away from home I wear a pair of compression pants on top to keep everything in place, control sag, and improve concealability. Sometimes I wear a onsie.

The most important aspects of a good diaper for fecal incontinence is tall and rigid internal standing leak guards to keep feces in the main channel of the diaper and away from the leg gathers, a sizable "drop zone" in the rear to provide space for feces without them pushing over the leak guards, good leg gathers as a secondary defense, and a plastic shell for odor control. Although the named diapers have more total absorbency than usually is needed for bowel incontinence alone, they are the best I have found.

You are familiar with the Confidry 24/7 and the Tena Slip Maxi. You may not know the Super Seni Quatro It is a European diaper with a breathable shell but with an air-permeable waterproof barrier which also reduces stretch and sag. It does not wick moisture. It has internal standing leak guards and large tapes. It has better odor control than any other breathable diaper I have worn. It has a maximum absorbent capacity of about 4 liters (128 ounces). Although I prefer plastic shell diapers, I wear a breathable at once a day to reduce irritation and prevent diaper rash. this is the best breathable I have found. It is distributed by Gary at XP Medical. You may wish to order a sample and try them. I am on my second case of these diapers and intend to order more.

Let's keep talking.

--John

diapersagain,

Add my welcome to those above. I too must deal with double incontinence, because of gastroparesis. When I must, I take a laxative at supper, which works overnight, followed by a bisacodyl suppository or an enema in the morning. Although this is not foolproof, it does reduce the incidence of bowel accidents during the day.

Thanks it is good to hear from you all. Although I talk with my wife and therapist, I'd really like to talk to others who have had the same experiences I have. Unless you've actually had bowel accident in public and realize all you do is pray your diaper holds and no one notices until you can change, you never know what it is like. Although I hate wearing diapers, especially since it all the time now, I have learned to love what they do for me. Namely, allow me to keep most of my dignity. I'm not usually as down as my first indicated. I think I was depressed because I recently set up automatic reordering for my diapers from my online supplier. I realized I was starting to accept that I would probably always have to wear diapers or risk public accidents. I don't want to accept it, I want to cure it. I think my acceptance scared me. I still hope, but I have to be realistic. I'm keeping my tidy whitey's for now, but I'm afraid they may be going in the trash before long. How long did it take you guys to accept the reality of your condition? Thanks for the product suggestions. I wear plastic too. I figure the more impermeable layers between me and the outside the better contained the odor is. I also wear a onsie they are a godsend. I'm still looking for the right balance between discretion and protection for work. It still makes me nervous, but I've been wearing Confidry's to work. I just don't feel secure in much less. A pair of Lycra bike shorts helps make it less noticeable. I still trying alternatives, but I don't want accident at work. Thanks to all who responded and for the suggestions.

Sorry for the double post, damn phone.

Figured that... removed it, I saw the full one below. Puffy

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Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

I use Nullo, an internal deodorant that gives me precious extra minutes to find a handicapped restroom when a bowel accident makes that necessary.

Re the bowel incontinence, acceptance was very, very difficult for me. After that emotional hurdle, acceptance re the diapers was difficult but much easier as they were part of the solution to prevent my public humiliation (you can tell that I still am very anxious about that). Very different from the others in the group is that my preventive enemas became my primary defense against bowel accidents and then the diapers became my backup defense.

Regarding acceptance of the enemas, I think you have to reach an emotional point where your anxiety and frustration about the bowel incontinence have reached such a level that you are willing to accept the (relatively) minor discomfort and unpleasantness of the enema in exchange for avoiding public bowel accidents. A European medical study of the use of the use of traditional enemas (not Fleets) as a preventive for fecal incontinence used the phrase "motivated patients tolerated the procedure well." That pretty much sums it up.

I have had to accept that for the rest of my life I it is very likely that I will be wearing diapers 24/7 and using enemas to prevent accidents. That is a real downer! However, on the positive side I have the satisfaction of having been proactive in researching my problem and finding a solution that provides more reliable protection than what the colorectal surgeons were promising. Also on the positive side is having the satisfaction of doing it well (or as well as can be expected). Except for one friend whom I told, as we share rides, none of my friends suspect that I am bowel incontinent, wear diapers, or take enemas.

Re Nullo, I experimented with, and evaluated, the various bowel deodorants. Nullo worked the best. I used it when on an extended European vacation and cruise when I would be in close proximity to other people even to take transportation back to the hotel or the cruise ship. In the larger of the recommended doses it worked well for me. On the negative side, Nullo can be very constipating. This can exacerbate preexisting tendencies toward constipation. I stopped taking Nullo when I had to take strong opiate pain pills as the combined effects were far too constipating. However, it is a good product.

Slightly off topic, our best weapon is still a good sense of humor. Of necessity, we must do some really weird things that the general population never thinks of, like digital stimulation. If, ten years ago you had told me that I would be wearing diapers, performing digital stimulation to prompt defecation, or taking enemas to prevent fecal incontinence my jaw would have dropped in disbelief. Frankly, if I saw someone else going through the physical contortions I go through for a thorough enema I would have laughed. By the way, what is the best music to take an enema by? I nominate Handel's Waterworks or Respeghi's Fountains of Rome

--John

I've been thinking about Nullo. My problem is worse when I have diarrhea. If I could kill three birds with one stone (diarrhea, odor and reduce my incontinence) that would be a win win win. I don't think I'd like an enema when I'm experiencing diarrhea as things are loose enough. Maybe when I shift over to constipation. I'll have to think about. Despite the bloating and discomfort of being constipated, at least I have some control and can go diaper free for awhile.