www.incontinentsupport.org

I have been dealing with incontinence issues for just over 6 months now. While this length of time is not all that long, it has resulted in what seems like a lifetime of changes (no pun intended) for me.

I have learned so much in this time and thought I would share the perspective of a beginner.

Diapers are expensive
-Wearing 3+ diapers a day is expensive. I have tried almost every diaper there is and have settled on Abena X-Plus and Dry 24/7. At over $5 a day, it adds up.

The 'New' Normal
-A year ago, diapers were the things I passed by while at a pharmacy and never gave a second look at. Now putting on a diaper in the morning, perhaps changing once at work and putting on another before bed is the routine. It seems as though I feel nervous when I DON'T have one on. I guess having a few accidents brings you to this place. Yes, this is the 'new' normal.

The 'thing' I can't talk about
-I am a talker. I am that funny guy that everyone knows. I don't have alot of secrets and usually share my personal issues/stories with close friends for either guidance or laughs. Until now. It seems like a burden that I can't talk about this thing that is going on with me with anyone. I mean sure, my wife knows, but there are times when I like to discuss things with a few close friends. Being a man, I just don't see a time where I would discuss this with even my best friend. There are times when I try to sneak to the bathroom with a diaper tucked under my shirt or under my coat how nice it would be if other people knew and it was nothing to be ashamed about.

Guilt and Denial
-My emotions over the past 6 months have been to every extreme. I swear the emotional impact of this seems more difficult to deal with than the actual physical lifestyle changes of wearing/changing diapers. I get the guilts if I wet my diaper rather than attempt to make it to the bathroom. I often find myself in denial of the problem if I have a good day and stay pretty dry. I somehow get it into my head that I don't have a problem and all this time I simply haven't been trying hard enought to make to the bathroom, see Guilt above. My job is pretty stressful and there are days where it seems I just don't stop wetting. By the end of the day I am drained from the job stress and the repeated attempts at trying to fend off the bladder urges to make it to the bathroom in time. These days are getting to become less frequent and I seem to be adjusting better. Acceptance.

What?! There's a positive?
-I guess I never really gave it much thought but historically I would get out of bed 2, 3 and sometimes 4 times a night to go to the bathroom. This had been going on for years. It wasn't long after this whole thing began that I started having nighttime wetting issues. Once I started wetting the bed I started wearing diapers to bed. I have to admit that it freaked me out to wake up with a wet diaper and not even wake up during the night. Lately it seems that I either wake up as I am wetting or not at all. I haven't slept this good in years, I am up early, even before my alarm some days. A bizarre and unanticipated benefit to all of this. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Summer's Coming...Uh Oh
One thing that strikes fear in me is the thought of summer in diapers. I really don't like the heat and I'm not sure how I am going to handle it. Thankfully my job as a software developer keeps me in an air conditioned office. Up to this point I have been wearing Abena X-Plus during the day to minimize any changes that I would have to do in the office. I work for a very small company (6 people) and it is very hard to be discreet. Walking to the bathroom with a bag of some kind would draw attention for sure. When I have to change I try to slide the spare diaper under my shirt or under a coat or something. I tried shoving it down my pants, it wouldn't fit. From what I have been reading online, the key to a summer in diapers is frequent changes. So, I think I am going to switch to a pullup for the summer and change more often. I tried and I am able to shove a pullup down my pants. I know this sounds strange, but I really can't think of an alternative way of getting to the bathroom without carrying a diaper in plain sight or without a bag.

I don't really know why I wrote all of this. But thanks for reading anyway.

--Jason

Jason,
You bring up some good points. Yes diapers are expensive. I wear the Xplus too. However, Xplus are cheaper over the long term because you can wear them longer and you use less of them. You could also try the Abena Extra. I usually get 3 good wettings out of this diaper. I live in Florida with the heat and humidity to match. I wear this diaper underneath shorts all the time. I even wear it under board shorts and nobody knows. It is very versatile. I wore it as a car salesman underneath my suit pants and nobody heard it and it lasted for about 4 hours. They are also very cool. I don't find them to be hot at all. I usually don't really sweat in them either.

I too like to talk about my problems. I have somebody to talk to though. I talk to my wife but I also have Bipolar Disorder....so I have a therapist (Tdoc). I talk to my Tdoc all the time about my incontinence. She listens to me and provides feedback. We talk about my incontinence and she chimes in about me wearing diapers. I also talk to my psychiatrist (Pdoc). The Pdoc is a medical doctor so she understands when I talk about everything I go through. This team is invaluable to me. Talking to them helps me deal with my incontinence and it makes me feel better. I just have to let it out to somebody or I'll explode.

Don't feel guilty about wearing or wetting your diapers. I have bladder and bowel incontinence. I try to make it to the bathroom for bowel issues, but for the bladder I usually don't bother because I'll never make it anyway. I don't sweat it though. If I have an accident, I'll just clean up. If I'm at home and close to a toilet I can usually make it, but if I'm out and about, you can hang it up cause it ain't gonna happen. LOL. But don't feel guilty. Its really no big deal. I have good days too where I can make it to the bathroom, then I have like 5 bad days where I don't make it at all right behind my 1 good day. I don't let my one good day get my hopes up. I've been this way for 3 years. It hasn't got any better.

Also remember that if you buy pullups to wear to work, in order to change, you have to take your pants and shoes off. I don't like doing this in public bathrooms. A tape on diaper like the Extra works really well in this respect. You don't have to remove your clothes to change. This is my primary go-to diaper for most occasions.

Hi Jason, seems like you have come a long way in 6 months or so. I have the same emotional struggles day to day, some weeks none, others I am an absolute train wreck, amazing nobody has noticed, but I have had my moments when those around me know I am really on the edge, mostly at work which is very stressful at times, more often then not, and not to get after me about anything or I could go off. I have definetly noticed myself more short tempered and easy to get angry, but I try my best to keep it in check and step out of any situation if I am close to losing it... One thing I have to keep working on I guess have not gotten it figured out yet in 15+ years....

Yes, it can eat away at your finances in a hurry having to buy supplies every week or month. I am not on the same level as most, when at work I get away with a pullup for the just in case factor, at home I am OK except for at night time, and only wear when I go out for a few hours and that is not even every day. I stay home more often now, but am not housebound by my problem at all. Even at that amount of useage, I notice the amount of money I spend and I am a light user compared to most on here. Any extended health coverage? That could really assist you financially if you can get it. I have coverage in Canada, but they do not cover disposables at all, but do cover the externals I use, so I am leaning to them more often now.

It is very challenging to have this to deal with in a small workspace, easier in the cooler months to tuck a diaper up under a sweater and head for the bathroom to change, summer is much more difficult to do that. Not a big fan of the summer heat, I opt for the external system when it gets warm out and am out for the day or travelling, would not want ot have to do it diapered. People wonder why I don't wear shorts very often when I go out... I know why! I am the same as you as when I do go out, I do not feel at all normal anymore if I an not wearing something "down there". Makes me much more nervous, and effects my fluid intake too, don't want to chance it at all even for a short period of time. Any longer out then 1 hr and I have something to help me out for sure.

I am also a talker, as you can tell, but held it in with everyone around me, still do although my best friend does know, and I could tell him anything, made no difference to him at all. New doctor now knows, that was tough to discuss but glad I finally did it. Family still does not know, although with all the doc and Uro appts & tests in the last 15 years, they all know something is going on, but nobody has came out and asked, and I am not dumping it on them, I can handle it as I always have so far. If it comes up, fine, but I am not opening the discussion on it first, that is for sure! This forum has been very helpful in discussing/learning/ventiing and most of all "laughing". Some of the lines I have read on hear have made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants...!!! oh wait, I did! It is good to even type/talk on here, get some great feedback on how to deal with it all...

Been down the same road with the guilt, anger, frustration,denial... I have gotten to the acceptance stage after many years, but it does not make it easier, still have moments where I get bent and wound up about it, although it does not last as long anymore. If I am out and can't make it without a footrace or causing a scene, I use what I have on as it is there for a reason, and just go on from there. Helps knowing there are many others out in the community that have the same problem to deal with, in my case they may be older, but if so not by much in most cases (43) You are certainly not alone it this...

Sleep... now there is a topic of discussion! I always seemed to have to get up in the middle of the night before my accident, and had not had any wetting issues since I was a kid. The last time I wet the bed as a child was probably around 3-4 in 1972... the night it first happened in 1995 scared the *&^% outta me, woke up soaked, and never even felt any urge or pressure, nadda nothing! Same goes on now, I can sleep through the night, and have quite a bit of fluids in me, and not know if I had anything happen until the AM when I wake up, sleep right through it all... even with an external cath on, I can put out well over a litre of fluid and never know I even went... that is certainly unsettling! The odd night when it happens, I do get some spasms that will wake me up, but by then it is far too late to worry about, so I don't! Having the right protection for at night takes all the worry of the "What if" out of the equation... So what "what if"... it is covered, so get to sleep! Not having that to worry about is what I find helps, not waking up multiple times in the middle of the night makes all the difference in the world in the amount of "proper" rest your body is getting. Certainly a benefit!

Thanks for the original post, now you know why you wrote it in the 1st place! Off-loading all that is theraputic, even if it is to an online forum! Puffy

Camp, Like Puff says...Talk is good, so use this space to vent, ask or laugh or cry. Papa

Jason,

Six months dealing with incontinence and diapers is a long time! All the worst of the learning experiences are going to be in the early stages of dealing with incon and especially getting used to diapers as your new underwear, necessary to prevent public embarassement.

Those of us with years under our belts simply are refining our tactics and learning little tricks along the way....so you will always be learning little tricks to help the constant battle being waged every day.

I must commend you for what you've learned and accepted. I think you are one who is not going to let incon and diapers get in your way of staying involved with life and continuing on with life.

You'll continue to have much to talk about without disclosing your need to wear protection....that is no one's business but your own. You should feel no need to admit anything in that regard!

Cost is significant; no question. If your at home situation allows it, consider cloth diapers for overnight. A modest investment in cloth diapers and plastic pants will pay off in disposable diapers not purchased. Laundry hassle....yes.....only you can determine the merits of cost vs convenience issue. But many of us wear disposables by day and cloth by night and even find the cloth comfortable and perhaps better at keeping the bed dry....reducing beddding laundry in exchange for diaper laundry.

Finally, summer is coming and shorts are great.....get bold! Do not fear! We are our own worst enemy when it comes to fearing discovery. Enjoy wearing shorts....even an Abena XPlus won't be noticed in most instances and any other diaper will absolutely disappear under shorts!

JoeK

I too wear shorts, and I'm not worried about it. Of course, their not "short" shorts, but like cargo shorts. I wear the ATN's and it's not a problem. If I'm doing something strenuous or overexerting out in the sun - yes, I'll sweat a bit, but that's about the only time. Don't feel the need to fore go the shorts.

You have pointed so many good points there. Yeah, it's really hard to deal with the emotional impact rather than physical one. But we could do nothing about it. All we have to do is to face and conquer it. So, just be positive.

campingFool wrote:I haven't slept this good in years, I am up early, even before my alarm some days. A bizarre and unanticipated benefit to all of this. Has anyone else had a similar experience? --Jason

I have constant dripping, which can be heavy at night, as well as accidents due to an inability to hold it if I let myself get to the point where I have to go fairly bad. In the beginning (close to two years ago) I would wake up at night due to the discomfort of being wet. It was taking its toll and I often took naps in the afternoon because I was so tired. After a few months I started sleeping right through until morning no matter how wet I was.

This is much better than before, so I suppose "getting used to being wet" can be a good thing. Sometimes, I admit, I wake up having to go and sometimes I get up and do so, although I'm always at least a little wet due to the dripping. I don't bother to change, I just go back to bed wet. Often when I wake up I just roll over and go back to sleep, knowing I'll do it in my diaper but not really giving a damn. I wake up wet anyway, what's a little more? Now the only time I change in the middle of the night is when my wife tells me she smells it.

I think anyone that is incon after a while gets to the point where you don't worry about it any more and whatever happens happens. I know I felt a lot better when I stopped worry about it and was not a slave to the bathroom. The only thing that is important is using good quality products that you can trust that won't leak day, or night.