www.incontinentsupport.org

I am not sure if this is the place to put this, so if it not, please let me know.

First of all, in order to understand part of what I have to say, you need to know a little more about me. I am an RN, mostly geriatric and psych. Because of that I am super vocal about directing my health care. The other things to know are that I take heart medicine and that my system is really sensitive to all sorts of things. It took a long time to regulate the heart meds following a near heart attack a few years ago.

That being said. I saw my Dr. last week about my incontinence. She determined, as I already had, that I have an Overactive Bladder and Urge Incontinence. Being the wonderful MD that she is, she gave me the usual choices: medication, toilet training, or see a specialist about surgery to correct a muscle weakness if the situation worsened. She did assure me she could not detect any life threatening condition. I don't think she realized I was wearing a diaper. When I tried to say something, the conversation moved on....My husband says he wonders if she really did not want to know. I am all right with that. I did not pursue the issue of toilet training when she mentioned that. I will not do that. My life gets too busy to keep up with it.

I refused her offer of medication based on my sensitivity to meds and the hard time the cardiologist had finding meds I could handle. She agreed and said she would probably have the same response. I told her I would continue with my weight loss regime, limiting caffeine and that sort of thing. Our discussion did not go beyond that. The urine and blood tests came back normal. Surgery is not a choice for something like this based on my medical history...The risk of a problem is too great.

I had pretty much made up my mind how I want to handle the incontinence before my visit to her and that visit confirmed it. I am choosing to live with the incontinence. As little and sporadic as my control is this means diapers 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

My question is: Does this make sense? Am I being reasonable?

I admit to having some real feelings about all of this. I have good days and not so good days when it comes to handling the idea of diapers all the time. I am hoping this is normal. At the same time, I know they give me freedom to live and not be tied to a toilet or be afraid of an accident. There were a couple of those before I found products that meet my current needs.

I am sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening.

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knitter1

knitter,
I don't usually comment all that frequently on this forum, however, I very much appreciate the comments and genuine concern folks have here. I completely agree with your decision. In fact, I made the very same decision four+ years ago after I had a surgery go bad. I was given the choice of Meds, more surgery, or diapers. I chose diapers. I have always wondered if my decision was the right one since I'm just 40 and have many years ahead of me (God willing). So here's my reasoning on deciding against meds or surgery...
Meds:
I have a real issue to placing strange chemicals into my body and will do so ONLY if I absolutely have to. Plus, sometimes the side effects of the med are worse than the benefits! "Bob, we're glad this prescription takes that little pain away from your pinky. Don't worry, you'll get used to the drooling and occasional turrets." Not for me!
Surgery:
Since I'm just 40, there's still lots of time for surgeons to chop on me. I'll wait for when I really need something tied, scraped, or cut out.

Sure, I've had days where I wished I could just stay dry and go without a diaper. But, honestly, those days are less and less and time goes on. Good luck and please know that there are folks here that have made the same decision as you have!

Now back to my lurking in the shadows...

Ray

I have given into diapers at this point. I tried everything for years. But things just got worse. Now my bladder just drains. I will always need a diaper. I'm on a bowel program that keeps me from having bowel accidents most of the time. But that will eventually no longer work either. Side effects of medication can be terrible. I'm on several and its a constant hassle.

Knitter, Ray, and Brandie,
All of you make perfect sense and have made the right decession. Some medications can be scarry with the side effects, and surgery is a major choice that could go terribly wrong.

My wife has an over active bladder and takes medication for it. I don't think it helps her that much, but she believes it does. She doesn't complain about any side effects it may cause. She has not had any accidents, so she's comfortable with the medication.

I think your choice to accept diapers as your solution is the right one. .........Paul Martin

I would have to say I agree with you all. As most of you know I've worn some form of diaper most of my life. I don't know what it is to not have protection between my legs When I was a young adult I tried the drugs and all it did is make me feel rotten For you Females it was like having our monthly friend at it's peck but without the blood So for me drugs are out! I'm a fully active 40 year old with a loving caring husband three kids (ok they're Janes kids) I don't feel as tho diapers really hold me back. But then I've worn them most of my life so maybe I wouldn't know if I was being held back I say tape on, snap on, pin on or pull on a diaper and get out and live. Hey and besides there are some good things about being in our diapers. We don't need to stand in line turning blue with our legs crossed at the ball game:wink:
...................................Sandy

I guess for me its simply a way of streamlining the problems. I'm totally disabled and need constant care. I take so many meds and need help with so many other issues. Taking a pill or cathing several times a day. putting up with dangerous UTIs? Just so I don't have to wear a diaper. Its not just me. My husband, My Mother, my Dr & nurses all came to the point where it just became the obvious choice. And we knew it would. My aunt has the same condition & and my body has been following her progression for years now. Just 20 years behind. Its depressing but I feel I need to use my time wisely while I can still at least comunicate. Use a computer and do what I can to slow the progression. Spend time with my family and watch my girls grow up.

Ray, Brandi, Paul and Sandy,

Thank you for your comments and support. I was afraid that I was not being logical about my way of dealing with the situation. I am starting to see that wearing diapers is the best solution to a problem. They make it possible for me to work and function without being afraid of an accident.

knitter1

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knitter1

One of the reasons I think Doctors like to push the drugs and surgery and so on rather then Diapers is. If you wear a diaper to manage your problem. What's in it for them As many of you know I have a rather low opinion of Doctors to start with. Hey just because your paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you Hey really lets Face it are Diapers really that bad?? I mean really is it that god awful horrible to go through life wearing a diaper and wetting yourself?? Really now think about it Why is it if an adult wears a diaper it is such a huge Taboo But nobody thinks twice of a 2 or 3 year old. Hey they'll even pick up a child with a wet diaper smelling like pee and give them a hug and a kiss. What's up with that. Most adults wouldn't want to go near another adult if they smell like pee. Unless we consider our spouses like my husband who has never pushed me away because of a wet diaper. Now granted I know looking around me I'm very blessed to have a husband like him. So well anyway I guess what I'm saying is if Diapers work for you go with it. If you dress proper nobody has to know you have one on. And if they somehow figure it out so what!

I'll get off the soap box now...................NEXT............Sandy

I think I would also agree with the views expressed here. There is no reason anyone should make you feel bad for wearing diapers if that is the means of managing your condition that you have found works best for you. What works best will certainly be different for each person, because everyone's specific difficulties, lifestyles, complicating factors and so on will be slightly different.
There must be many other medical conditions where there is more than one option for treatment or management - eg someone with recurrent back problems might choose to opt for surgery, whilst someone else might find the risks to high and stick with pain medication. Surely most people in most circumstances wouldn't claim that only one of the possible options was acceptable. So it wouldn't seem right for anyone to claim that only one way of managing incontinence is okay either.
I think Sandy makes an important point about the stigma that gets attached to the idea of adults wearing diapers, and how we don't react that way to children wearing diapers! Just a thought but maybe it's partly because control over our bodies in that way is something that we are taught to take so much for granted and a necessary part of growing up. Perhaps people then find it frightening to see something that makes them realise that actually, having control in that way isn't something we can count on. But I think the way social values, stigmas etc are placed on someone are very often very far from the truth about the person and their worth - as this just goes to show.
Knitter, it's brilliant that you have the confidence to stand up for what you have worked out, and stick to what you know works the best for you personally.

Sandy,
It's my turn for the soap box. Actually, I agree with you about the issue of "what's in it for them?" or their fellow Dr's? There are good Dr's and not so good ones out there...Sometimes it is hard to tell who is good or not good.

Another aspect of this issue is that Dr's and other medical professionals tend to be of the mindset to solve problems: You are incontinent so it is my job as Dr. or Nurse to solve or fix this problem for you and tell you what you can do to help fix it. Therefore, regarding incontinence: take meds; have surgery; limit fluids; do special exercises and so on. That sounds good from a medical viewpoint, but isn't always practical for all of us.

As a society, we accept incontinence in children and older adults who are not very alert ...I am not sure why it is such a taboo for the rest of us. Could it be that it is associated with not being grown up? Is it a fear of those without disabilities that they might develop one? I don't know.

It is not my choice to be incontinent. It happened. So I have to deal with it the best way I know how. For me it means wearing diapers. It beats the other choices. I am also blessed with a husband who accepts me the way I am. we discussed my decision and he completely agrees with it. Regarding diapers he tells me: "They are not you. They are what you wear." He is right.