www.incontinentsupport.org

Well.. i talked to my mom tonight. I said to her i've been thinking.. that i do want to get this resolved, but we need to set a date and say after this.. we've tried every thing and accept it as it is, and that date is my college graduation. She agreed. So this is it. I'm dry come may.. or in diapers the rest of my life.


This has not been easy to think about. It certianly has been a long road, with many hardships. And i am proud to say we have not given up easily. I would not be agreeable to resignation had i not bugged the snot out of the docs and then some. I may see a urologist here locally to check in now and then make sure theres nothing that needs to be looked at. But, as has been said many times before..theres nothing wrong with wearing a diaper if one needs to. Perhaps if i definetivley decide on it as permanent, acceptance will be easier. It has been an emotional rollercoaster.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Hi Sociologygeek,

I applaud your resignation....but it sounds so ominous to say or think about "I'll be in diapers the rest of my life". Depressing is another word that comes to mind. And your youth works against you, as you'd like to think the "rest of your life" is nearly an eternity!

You have already found the benefits of diapers as a management tool, pretty much essential to restoring normalicy in one's life after being hit with incontnence to any degree. I think the lighter degrees are much harder to deal with as one wants to be "normal" and wear "normal underpants" not a diaper, and so takes chances that they'll be OK and then a damn leak and embarassment and grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Call it resignation or acceptance that diapers are part of the wardrobe until.........and the until is when something changes, maybe a new breakthru.....one never knows. But facing daily diaper wear "for the time being" may be an easier pill to swallow. We all like to be "normal" and for most of us on this board, it means wearing a diaper so that we can be "normal" when out and about in society.

One last thought, I also commend you for picking an "end point" to your constant struggle with trying to learn why.....and yes, it is certainly normal to seek the why.....but as you know, in so many cases of incontinence, there is no easy answer.....even no answer. The doctor just cannot tell us why we happen to leak! It can help, mentally I guess, to accept the fact and go on with life and not be consumed or overly involved in seeking an answer that may well not exist.

I don't think accepting and wearing diapers is "giving up". I think it is facing up to reality and getting on with one's life!

After that, I feel most come to view diapers as an inconsequencial part of their lives and, as many have said, just a different and functional underwear for us that lets us get on with life!

I am able to talk to my GP often as he is also a friend. His outlook is that incontinence is a result of something else. He admits that sometimes the "something else" can be hard to diagnose and in some cases may never really be. He just wants to be sure that the cause is not life threatening which only makes sense. We differ on opinion when it comes to the management of incontinence. While he is not a urologist he does feel that the use of medication or a cath. or surgery is a better management tool over a diaper. He just feels its healthier. He also understands that medications don't agree with some people but feels that it works for the majority. He also says that it is very common for patients to "give up" for a while but most in time decide to try again to find some type of cure. I guess I'm in that hold mode for the time being. With the cost of Dr visits & tests I weigh out the money for management of it verses the medical expenses. I spend about a hundred dollars or so per month now to manage it. Thats about 1 Dr visit. So the reality I guess does come down to the almighty dollar. I know that I have nothing life threatening so to watch my costs I just manage it. Over time I have got used to it and it really does not bother me too much.

This board has been very helpful in gathering information as well as knowing that I am not the only one with this problem. (not that I want others to have it) But for me I need to watch my expenses and do what is best based on those expenses. Will I give up? No and nobody should. But for me at this point I have learned to manage with no regrets

Yeah, this is one reason why i think maybe just using the diaper for no 1 would help..that way i know id never make it within time.. get rid of the debate..get rid of the disappointments when i dont make it.. get rid of the false hopes i have when some days are nearly dry.. most of all.. if my bladder were to shrink, i would have predictable and much more mangable episdodes.. not the 16 oz FLOODS that require both a brief and a booster that happen in the morning.

Whats funny is it seems that a lot of my episodes happen when i get a certian urge and know that i should go to the toilet.. so i go..and then somehow urine starts trickling out before i get there. It may not have happened otherwise. This is what some may call "key in lock syndrome" where a certian action causes a wetting episdode.

your comment above about wearing underwear is so true. I have tried wearing normal underwear, only to be disappointed with wet spots. Whole reason for me using protection in the first place was to avoid the wet smelly underwear, and sometimes pants. Yes, ive had episodes in the past before i wore diapers that was more than a few drops it was a small stream. Sometimes this would wet my underwear, sometimes it would get down my leg. sometimes this would get the wall wet..

Accepting you dont have control is hard to swallow. I was in denial of the incontinence.. but it got to the point where i couldnt deny it any more.

_________________
"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

And your're right.. accepting diapers until x comes along is easier to swallow. Which is exaclty why i said..im not giving up until my graduation day. Because, i want to give time to find SOMETHING. But, i HAVE to set a date. It has been a year long of trials, tests..thinking hey maybe its this..maybe its that.. maybe you need to do this..only to find out theres no real reason for me leaking urine, other than my sphincter doesnt relax all the way. I dont know what else the doctor can do for me. Which is why im hesitant to give up. If he recommends timed toileting or catherization, or surgery.. i dont know if i will pursue those routes. I know from experience cathing hurts. Howver, it may be necessary. If cathing turns out to be necessary due to sometimes retaning.. i may opt for a suprapubic catheter.

_________________
"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II