www.incontinentsupport.org

I knew this was going to happen one day. But did I take the necessary precautions? No. Doh!

I came out of the shower this morning with just my pull-up on. Normally that's no big deal since my son is already at work and it's no secret to my better half. But this morning, he had called in sick and was waiting to use the bathroom when I came out. Yikes! I quickly exited into the bedroom, which is right beside the bathroom, as if nothing happened. This had me thinking all day long how I was going to explain myself. I have been meaning to do that but procrastinated. On a previous day, I had left my dry discarded diapers outside in a grocery bag to be put into the garbage can, which he would have walked past (wet diapers go directly into said garbage can however). The TENA for Men pull-up is pretty obvious with all its flashy stripes and all, even looking at the outside of the yellow grocery bag. Then there were some other times when he could have seen a discarded TENA in his travels around the house.

So after work, I went to his room to explain. It was awkward for both of us but he got it as I briefly explained it. It was a total surprise to him (to my surprise). He laughed when I told him that he was now in the "circle of trust" (a ref to https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212338/).

I realized later that he had not noticed any of these things. He must have averted his eyes after seeing me without a shirt on this morning. So in my own paranoia, I was convinced he had seen me in a pull-up and noticed the garbage evidences etc.

There must be a lesson about diaper paranoia there. Perhaps others have something to share.

Luckily you had a good result, but sometimes when you're paranoid you're right.

Porkchop wrote:Luckily you had a good result, but sometimes when you're paranoid you're right.

True, but even though "diaper crinkle" and VDB (visible diaper bulge) are real, they exist primarily in our own hypersensitive minds and are not noticed 99.9% of the time by others. In most cases you've just got to go with odds and get on with life.

Maybe I'll get there some day @Padded53

Porkchop wrote:Maybe I'll get there some day @Padded53

It's always a huge challenge getting over the "I have to wear a diaper and can anyone tell thing" and that time can vary greatly from person to person, but I hope for you it's sooner than later.

For me, it got to the point that I no longer care who knows or even sees that I wear diapers. It's a medical condition and I have no control over it. So why should I care what people think?

Padded53 wrote:

Porkchop wrote:Maybe I'll get there some day @Padded53

It's always a huge challenge getting over the "I have to wear a diaper and can anyone tell thing" and that time can vary greatly from person to person, but I hope for you it's sooner than later.

It has been almost ten months since having to wear some form of protection 24/7 and It is still hard for me to get outside my own little bubble I have created. My mom said something to me that made a lot of sense.

Prisoners in jail fear one thing more than death and that is solitary confinement.

Yet, right now I am doing that to myself.
I only go where I know it is safe and I will not be judged.
I have family within walking distance that I have not seen (Yea it is easy to use covid as a reason but truly it is fear).
I fear having an accident around people that do not know the extent of what is going on with me.

Out and about in public, I still worry but not the same way. Most people in public I will likely never encounter again so, yea embarrassing, but only shortly.

Truly I am tired of not living life even though I am dealing with this.

I am not just diaper paranoid, I have public accident phobia.

I only go where I know it is safe and I will not be judged.
I have family within walking distance that I have not seen (Yea it is easy to use covid as a reason but truly it is fear).
I fear having an accident around people that do not know the extent of what is going on with me.

Out and about in public, I still worry but not the same way. Most people in public I will likely never encounter again so, yea embarrassing, but only shortly.

Truly I am tired of not living life even though I am dealing with this.

I am not just diaper paranoid, I have public accident phobia.

It appears to me that you have quite a health struggle going on. Compared to you, I have it easy (recently urge IC). But depending upon your working relationship with family, I would think they would be understanding enough given your medical situation. So confiding in them may take a huge burden off and get you "out" more.

I think that at some point you're going to have to move to the "I don't care what *they* think and I'm going to do *whatever*" stage. Once you stop worrying about what others *might* think, you can make some progress. You got to embrace that "like it or lump it!" attitude.

When we worry about what others might think, we often get paranoid and imagine our worst imagined fears. Our imagination can really go wild. The reality is often much less than what we feared! We all fear making public embarrassments of ourselves. I think of pregnant women that suddenly find themselves in a pool of water when their water breaks in a store. Women (that I've heard about) just shrug the event off. That is just a part of life. The people that witness it might remember it for a time but it is soon forgotten. Does it matter? Will she see those same people again? Maybe. But will they taunt her if they do? No.

In public speaking, if you want your mistake forgotten, it is best to keep moving on. Nobody gives it a second thought. But if you want your mistake to be remembered, just keep digging yourself deeper by dwelling on it. I think that our diaper phobia works at a similar level. If we brush it off when we get embarrassed, I think the memory of it is diminished (by ourselves and our "audience"). If instead, we make a huge fuss about it, we substantially increase the impression on everyone and scar ourselves in the process.

Brushing it off doesn't come easy, but as someone else here said, it takes "baby steps". We win little battles along the way, one battle at a time. By winning the small battles, we can eventually win the war. It was a big step for me to buy a package of diapers for myself at the drugstore last December. Then another to wear them out in public. Then to pee my diaper in front of the bank teller later. One battle at a time we make progress (sometimes we need a distorted sense of progress ). There will be steps backwards at times but we learn from those mistakes and strain for success.

I hope there is something there that encourages. In my own situation I am straining to keep doing the things that I enjoyed before becoming IC. If my summer afternoon diaper ends up leaking all over, I'll know about something that doesn't work. But if I'm careful and plan things, I might only have to face some small problems. Adjust and repeat. Fake it until you make it.

It took me a few days to really process everything going on and come to terms.
First, Yes, I am dealing with a big health issue for my age. My biggest issue is that my accidents truly are not predictable at all. It is like walking around with a live grenade and no clue where the pin went. I have been trying to do things right but have no way of knowing what is best.
To be honest, my worry is just being able to clean myself up when out and about. One time here at home I had a total blowout an emotional breakdown over it. That is what I am most worried about.
I have decided to step up my protection some when out and have been using my Gary wear pul-pants. My issue is that as a guy, I do not carry my disaster kit (Backpack) everywhere with me. I tend to take my small satchel bag instead. With things getting worse, that may soon not be enough.

The biggest on big list issue for me is pain and pressure. Nothing helps my gut pain, and I can only take Tylenol for it and it does nothing. I cannot take Tums. I am Omeprazole for acid reflux. There are days where my gut hurts so bad that I cannot move much. This keeps me from doing a lot of the things that I love. But such is life for me right now.

Folks who have not dealt with it cannot understand the combination of abdominal pain plus incontinence. We cannot take opioids because they slow the GI system even more, so the advice to grin and bear it leads to even more pain and disability. But overdosing on Tylenol (acetaminophen) can be equally hazardous. I wish you success in your effort to find a medical professional who understands and can offer effective assistance.