It seems ive reached a "low" point. Last night, as i sat, on a whim i looked at what i was wearing underneath my pants.. seeing a white disposable diaper covered by plastic pants, i started getting sad, mad, and depressed. I dont know why, i just did. It hit me that im no longer in control of my body, at least elimination. I wear diapers because sometimes my bladder empties what it wants when it wants.
I hate this. I feel so babyish. And yet, i know if i didnt wear diapers, i would probably end up with wet underwar and more than likely wet pants. I still havent given up toilet use. If i did give up the toilet, how many diapers would i go through? ive been doing dry diaper wear with the kendalls. Using diapers 24/7 would most likely require a different solution. My control i think is worsening, partly due to sometimes not using the toilet. I can't say for sure.