www.incontinentsupport.org

Groups and such can be two sided. First off it is helpful to know you are not alone and can find answers to SOME questions. But talking about specifics is hard so most just generalize sort of the "I have a friend with a problem thing - not me" You may meet some one to talk to - but it may be just friendly talk not about eachothers "problem and how to deal with it. Eventually you may get more specific but that can also make you self conscience.
Second - a group can be full of of have some cronic complainers and you rally don't need to hear everyones deep personal stories - it can anger you if you're trying to keep you whits about you. A good example was a PTSD group I tried long ago. The last thing I needed was to hear war stories for two hours that just raised my anxiety through the roof. I am now "talking" to one of the other members of the group but it is more talk than personal which is great since we both know the other one has the same problem we don't fear the other one finding out! If that makes sence. Papa

Hey Papa,
Sounds like you're making some progress! I know what you mean about people rambling on about other stuff that has nothing to do with you. Good luck and keep us posted. ............Paul Martin

Paul, It is just good to have someone to talk to about this who definately understands - no one who is not incontinent can understand all, if any, of the things we deal with. And once you can talk you can ocasionally laugh about some of it, and that humor is only appreciated if the other person is "one of us." If I told a joke or told a funny story about your wearing diapers you could laugh. If some one you were with made some remark or joke about you wearing diapers who was not wearing them you would feel hurt or resentful or angry. And sometimes we do need to laugh or joke about it. Papa

Paul, you asked me to keep you posted. Things are going well. It really helps to have someone to talk to and socialize with that totaly understands what incontinence involves. Like when you have to leave (a praty or event,etc.) early because your diapers are soaked and you know it is time to get going. She had 2 failed marriages because of her bedwetting and accidents in the day. I am a widdower (since 50) and so we both have our scars from the past. Right now it is a very comforting relationship - not sexxual since the PC surgery left me impotent as well as incontinent. But just like this forum it is nice to "compare notes" and get some laughter out of our situation. I am a cloth diaper (mostly) believer and she wears disposables. She hasn't worn cloth diapers in many years. So that is where I am. Hope you are well. Papa

Papa,
Thanks so much for keeping up to date on this subject. I've been on vacation, and missed your post. I'm trilled to hear you have met another person of the opposite sex to talk with. If things do process, let me know.
Thanks again!! ..............Paul Martin

Some of you might laugh, or cringe, or even find it odd/freakish... but I have to put this out there as an option.

My fiancee is AB/DL.

We met online... turns out we actually grew up about 30 miles from eachother. Now before you get any ideas... she isn't one of the freakish, in your face, going to be a baby all the time types... she is actually very sweet, very supportive, and quite "normal" in most ways. We've been together for going on 5 years now and I have enjoyed every minute of it. It is nice to have someone to share things with... to not be the only one worried about leaks or finding a place to change when out in public... she actually likes the plastic sheet on the bed and I don't feel so self-conscious when I'm around her. Finding her has put excitement back in my life in ways that I couldn't even imagine. I never thought a diaper could be sexy... guess I was wrong.

I know a lot of people in the incontinence community criticize and look down on AB/DLs because there are so many of them who take our disability (I hate using that word) and make a game out of it... but, kinks aside, there are some genuinely good individuals there too... you just have to be patient and know where to look.

Anyways... I'll stop rambling now... just remember to not judge someone until you really get to know them... give people a chance.

_________________
~~PuddleGuy

Hi PuddleGuy,

Thanks for the post and welcome to the forum!

I thought that was interesting that your fiancee is a AB/DL. So many people have tough promblems with their spouce accepting diapers. I do believe the majority of members on this board has an understanding mate, but incontinence can be a real strain on a relationship.

Again, Thanks for the post and stay in touch! ..........Paul Martin

I'm going out on a limb here I know But here's just a thought. I know I've been real against the AB/DL community in the past. But maybe a person shouldn't be While I still think it is twisted and perverted maybe it's not all that bad

I mean look if your incontinent and alone finding it hard to find a person that will accept you because of your condition. What better place to go then to the AB/DL comunity. I mean as twisted as it is these people often idolize us because of our condition I know there are sites out there for AB/DL people to meet on and I know that they often welcome people like us. Please don't get any idea that I go to these AB/DL sites but like many of you I'm sure you have stumbled into them as well while surfing the web.

As far as Diapers being sexy I don't know if I can go there. But as far as my husband goes I can tell you Rumba pants over a diaper are sexy to him. Lord knows they never seem to stay on very long enough said there

.......................Sandy

I haven't personally ventured very far into this AB/DL world, I leave that to my fiancee, but I have met some AB/DL individuals who are very genuine and understanding. It certainly can be awkward to be "idolized", as Sandy so nicely put it, for having something that most of the world considers a disability... but, as the old saying goes, different strokes for different folks. It takes a lot of different people to make the world go around, maybe we shouldn't be so quick to tar everyone with the same brush.

There are wierdos, but from what I've seen every "alternative lifestyle" group has its extremists. Those are the kind that you really want to stay away from.

But enough with my little live and let live speech... thank you all for listening.

_________________
~~PuddleGuy

PG, Having to deal with being incontinent and having to wear diapers is mind boggeling at best. We go from "I can do this" to "I will never leave home again" and everything inbetween! We cope then we break down we all have up and down days, months, etc. I see someone who is ab/dl AND incontinent as someone who is using the ab/dl approach to deal with a VERY difficult situation to deal with. Who here does not understand that we need someway to deal with this frustrating condition! If it helps her deal with this I am envious that she has found peace. We all could use that! Papa