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| how? do i deal? http://www.incontinentsupport.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=2342 |
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| Author: | gee [ Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | how? do i deal? |
i don't know if i deal with my incntinence or not. i have both urinary and fecal incontinence. i've arrived at this state, i believe - tho doctors can't seem to fully accept it - as a result of psychological things in my life. i am a self harmer and i believe my physical condition is a result of this. that in itself is not dealing. i am in therapy however, so that is dealing. is my incon a psychological condition? i believe it is in part. i do believe i've damaged myself. it is a horrible way to be and i hate it. but now i have the conditions and it hits me like a wave, pulling me under each time. i am a husband and father and the bread winner for my family. going in to work in this condition is not fun. i have to rush and be neat at the same time. i know that when it's happened, i have to get to a restroom quickly. but i have to do that slowly. quick movement can be a horrible mistake. i have not been able to find protective underwear that is suitable. the best has failed. i don't know why. i buy a store brand. one in particular rite aid has been the safest brand to use. it is by no means perfect.this condition makes me feel like i'm constantly being watched. and i don't know if people can tell or not. all brands promise discreet and odor control, but those features are only fantasy. so what i look for in underwear is comfort - staying in place - being snug and a good percentage of success in doing the job well. i don't want to change my style of clothing. i tend to wear more slim rather than baggy pants. you can't fit that much under that type so that limits me. i could switch to baggy, and buy real heavy weight diapers, but that would be an unacceptable lifestyle change. so i make the dirty compromise. and have learned to be an expert at washing pants on my way to work. perhaps i fool myself that i've dont an adequate job. i cannot feel comfortable discussing this subject face to face with others - even doctors, but i have no choice. is this dealing? i am at the mercy of a force within me of self harm, i have 2 conditions i consider moderate to heavy, i buy less than perfect products to protect myself and i can't talk to anyone for help or comfort. do i deal with incontinence at all? i don't know. i wish i did. |
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| Author: | JDinVirginia [ Sat Jun 25, 2016 7:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Hello gee, Your life has changed. You need to change with it. You now have a "new normal" and things will not be as they were before. It sounds like many of your difficulties are due to your refusal to adapt to your "new normal" of incontinence. You talk about an "unacceptable lifestyle change." Gee, if you are going to adapt successfully and manage your incontinence effectively the word "unacceptable" won't cut it. I am not being insensitive here, but this is tough love. Suck it up and move on so you can get back to living life to its fullest. You complain about your diapers but the brand you mention is not a good diaper. You cannot expect a diaper like that to perform well. There are tricks to increasing the absorbency of a cheap diaper, such as adding a booster pad. If you will read the old messages here, you will find that most of us do not buy store brand diapers. We wear higher quality diapers that we order from diaper vendors such as XP Medical. We save money by ordering diapers buy the case. Normally we do not leak. We have learned the little tricks that let us go about our lives with a lower risk of accidents. You say that you do not want to change your style of clothing, that you wear slim pants, and that you can't fit much of a diaper underneath. That is exactly what I am talking about. You must accept that some change has to occur. In order to stay dry you need to be able to wear a more absorbent diaper under your jeans, perhaps with a booster pad. That means buying jeans a size larger than what you normally wear and, perhaps, changing your jeans style to one with a more relaxed fit. First you need to accept the reality of your incontinence. Next you need to adapt to your new situation. Change can be difficult. We know. Gee, I'm not being unnecessarily harsh here. All of us here have gone through what you are going through. We have felt the same emotions you are feeling now. We had to accept our incontinence and the need to change and adapt in order to manage it and then go about our lives. Some of the members here have very severe bladder and bowel incontinence. I am double incontinent - I have both problems. We have had to experiment to find what works best for us. Many of us are trying things we had never heard of before becoming incontinent. We learn from each other. You have found a wonderful place to ask for advice, share what you have learned, and to vent your frustrations at the problems of incontinence. We all vent from time to time. Take the time to read my paper "An Introduction to Adult Diapers, their Selection and Wear" and the longer but more thorough "New Diaper Primer" at the links below. Between those two references, you probably will be able to answer 95% of your questions. An Introduction to Adult Diapers, their Selection and Wear http://www.incontinentsupport.org/Intro ... iapers.pdf The New Diaper Primer http://www.incontinentsupport.org/primer_index.php Remember that we are here to support each other. You never need to feel embarrassed about asking very personal questions here. We really do understand. We are here to offer comfort and reassurance as well as factual advice. I only have been seriously incontinent for about four years. Most of what I have learned I learned from other members in this forum, plus a lot of reading and experimentation. --John |
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| Author: | RoadPirate [ Sat Jun 25, 2016 10:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
JD hit the nail on the head. We all have had to adapt and I hope you will take his advice. Your life will be so much better. |
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| Author: | mlhjr [ Sun Jun 26, 2016 7:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Gee, J.D. has gave some real life advice that all here face everyday. I myself totally incontinent and its very hard to accept at first, and after facing what I have life is great. I myself carry a back pack that looks like Im going hiking for a week just to go to the store but that's what it takes so that what I do. You will adjust if you give yourself a chance too. -- Mike -- |
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| Author: | RobertH [ Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Gee We are all here to help and support each other as we deal with incontinence issues, over time we have adapted to our new norm of having to wear protection. Once you accept the need for diapers and find the right fit managing your incontinence issues will become easier. i think its safe to say we all started in denial mode and tried our hardest to avoid having to wear diapers , but the Reaity is that we need them to help get on with our lives. John has given you some great advice and informative links, order some samples of premium diapers from xp medical or other closer suppliers i use dry 24/7's and they work great and with the proper fit pants (relaxed fit one size bigger) no one will know you are wearing. Wearing taped diapers has a learning curve when you first start to wear and you learn how to tape them properly, but it does not take to long and you can always ask for advice here. as Mike said a backpack full of supplies is needed and trust us you will be glad you have one with you . Life is full of changes incontinence is just one of the changes we all now have to accept and manage being diapered 24/7 hasn't changed my daily life very much I just wear absorbant underware now hope you accept your new requirements and order proper protection and new relaxed fit pants. Remember we are all here to help and support you Rob |
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| Author: | B Brian [ Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
I also second this (or third, or whatever). You've got to accept your current situation, and adapt to it. I too use confidry24/7, as a thick diaper is way less noticeable than a thin one that has leaked. Just wear loose fitting pants like the others said. I go with pleated slacks which I believe also helps make my diaper less noticeable, and always wear black which will hide any wet spots. |
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| Author: | greenbank [ Mon Jun 27, 2016 5:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Gee So sorry you find yourself here welcome to the community. Accepting the fact that one has to wear diapers 24/7 is hard and traumatic however this will pass. Icontinence can be a game changer if you let it for too long I let it ruin my life until I relented and accepted wearing diapers. I went all in streight away and sent my regular underwear to recycling replacing them with diapers, compression/stretch briefs, waterproof briefs and terry briefs. Yes you have to plan more and take in my case a man bag everywhere with all that you need during the day. I do so wish I had talken the plunge a lot earlier in my life I now have a normal life I can go anywhere I wish and feel free without the fear of publicly wetting myself. Do not be afraid to reach out we are all here for each other. Greenbank |
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| Author: | Puffy Pants [ Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Nothing I can say that has not been said already, make the switch from pull-up underwear to a full brief/diaper, it will make your life SO much easier... it's no ones business but your own, and yes, doctors are LESS then supportive in this matter... we are here, any questions, fire away!  Hoping for the best possible outcome for you, sounds like you have been thru the wringer enough already. Hang in there, we are pulling for you!  Puffy
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| Author: | gee [ Mon Jun 27, 2016 11:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
thanks. my condition may in part be due to psychological issues. i am presently persuing that possibility. |
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| Author: | gee [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 10:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how? do i deal? |
Still pulling up and i've found that Tena Overnight underwear (a new product) work much better than anything else ive tried. unless i discover that there actually is a problem with them - which i haven't so far - i'll stick with them. i've had no leaks or other escaping matter and i have a place to change before being in my actual work place so the odor problem can be avoided pretty well. But something i am wondering about is - are there some kind of snug fitting shorts/pants/or whatever that can be worn over the underwear and under pants that help to hold everything in place and sort of smooth things out so it doesn't really look like i'm wearing incontinence underwear, and while not squeezing anything out??? and if so, where to buy them? |
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