www.incontinentsupport.org

it's been a while since i looked over the posts in this topic. an interesting and varied response from fellow incons.

i can't help but think that some of the earlier posts saying we are lazy must have been posted by the people lucky enough to retain a measure of managable control. for those of us who experience sudden and intense urgency it is far from being lazy. as i said in my first post on this subject, it's more about trying to reclaim some level of normalcy. for myself, that normalcy happens to be living a life absent the constant cycle of intense urgency - panic - rush - involuntary release / defeat. since i became diaper dependent i always seemed to be fighting to keep my diaper clean. that and the emotional toll sent me into a depression. the first few times i decided to "relax and release" were difficolt at best. over the last few months it has gotten much easier. while i'm almost always afforded the initial warning, i know from experience that the rush would be futile. i must say that i've become much more effecient cleaning up and changing. i'm often awakened with the urgent need to move my bowels but i no longer frustrate myself by jumping out of bed in a mad dash to the bathroom. it's become such a regular part of my routine that i seldom have any problem drifting back to sleep.

when a day time accident occurs i try to finish the task at hand before going for a change. i admit that it can be difficult to concentrate with a load in my diaper but it's easier to deal with than torturing myself. maby it's different with only wetting problems but i suspect that it's not.

to make a long post short i will only say that we should repect each others' managment style. if it works for you - great.

don't drink the negative coolaide.

jack

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don't drink te koolaid

I have just seen this thread and have had a lot of wettign and soiling accidents to contend with in recent years. Something that has not been said clearly is that the amount is not the critical factor - I rarely fully void urine and most messing accidents are small - but they still need clearing up with attendant bedding changes etc.

I have only just really accepted that diapers are the answer - and the relief is amazing - no longer do I need to rush to the toilet only to find that I am wet or messy on arrival - ok I can still do most in the pan but the damage has been done. Pant liners by day and a diaper at night have given me a chance ot catch up on over a year of disturbed nights punctuated by "emergency" trips to the bathroom, trying to stay awake listening to the radio so as not to fall int too deep a sleep etc.
Diapers are hard to accept but was I doing myself or my family any favours by hiding hte problem - rinsing out underwear and changing sheets at 3.00 in the morning is (with hindsight) just plain stupid if there is an aceptable alternative - and as I have posted elsewhere - it is my problem and I don't want the neighbours talking about the 5 or 6 pairs of briefs on the washing line each day!

Like others who have posted here I take a releaxed view about getting out of bed to pee now- mainly because I was too late 75% of the time and often found I had involuntarily (and unknowingly) soiled my pants as well. I don't think I am lazy (and definitvely for me) nor does my wife!

I've been incontinent all my life. I've dealt with it in different ways over the years. Sometimes, by wearing diapers. Other times, by just going to the first toilet I find when I first feel the urge to pee. Given the choice, though, I'd go for wearing diapers any day, if for no other reason than convenience. I've always hated sitting down on a toilet to either poop or pee. I've read that it's unhealthy to hold on to your pee for too long. Does anyone have any feelings or facts about that? I don't know for certain. Happy Holidays! [/b]

Hi Jason,
Sure, it is unhealthy to hold pee for too long but I think that is generally a different medical condition. A bladder that won't empty fully on its own or perhaps a spastic sphincter that won't allow complete emptying. I think cathing is about the only solution (and I hate that idea) other than some drugs that might help (and I'm not a fan of drugs either).

If you can pee on your own and can empty your bladder, I don't think it matters how often you do it as far as "holding pee" being unhealthy is concerned. My understanding of continent folks is they hold pee typically from 6 to 12 hours between voids.

If you can use a toilet, even if that means sitting down to pee, that will give your skin a great break from diapers. I would suggest you do it when home and can use your own toilet. I would not suggest doing it out in public since rest rooms are typically so dirty. I don't want to sit on a public toilet ever! For you, I'd suggest the diapers for when you go out, but use your own toilet at home as much as possible.

Joe K

When I first became incontinent, anxiety got me up five and more times each night. Uninterrupted sleep was a fond memory. As a result, I was soon walking around half-dopey from sleep deprivation, and my driving was positively hazardous. I guess you could accuse me of being lazy for using my diaper instead of getting up. However, my urological surgeries guarantee that, even if I got up six times each night, I'd still be soaked by morning. So, I choose to allow my diapers to do their work, and give me the uninterrupted sleep I need. Carl

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Carl

Hi All having delt with incon only 2yrs I see the loss of sleep as a big problem day after day was getting up at least 3 times a night.If I wake up and are going I let it finish rushing to the toilet and getting there late no good either just my 2cents worth.Thanks

I`m a lifelong bladder incontinent due to CP. age 58. I use cloth pin-on diapers:gauze pre-fold from All-together Diaper Co., heavy guage vinyl plastic pants from Kins at night and a Mcguire external cath/bag system during the day. Been using this management for years.

Jack, ur anything but alone. For some time now, not sure how long, but for years ive dealt with urine on my underwear, and more than an occasional dribble. It has progressed to heavy floods some days. I wear diapers 24/7 now, even though i could probably get away with wearing underwear. I still use the bathroom.. but im getting a bit cynical about that.. it seems no matter what i do, the diaper still gets wet at some point. Even worse, i have no answers to what is causing my incontinence. Ive had urodynamics, nothing. Cytoscopy, again nothing. We tried meds. Detrol and Vesicare. Neither got me out of diapers. We suspect something neurological is going on. We will see an neurologist next.

Your right, loading up ur diaper at age 45 isnt cool. Or, in my case, wetting my diaper at age 25. At least u know why u have problems.. im a complete mystery.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

I'm going to make a few observations on this and I'll admit to be a little concearned about some of the posts:

First I'd like to say that by the point a person is buying and wearing diapers, useing them can't really be 'wrong', for one thing I've never seen a right and wrong way list for diaper use other than dont put disposables inside out. I don't know on what basis such a judgement as 'wrong' could be made. Even if there were some objective guide for makeing such a judgement, it would be a continuum of shaded greys, not blacks and whites. NASA expects astronauts to use diapers on space walks, not come back in the ship, take off the pressure suit and use the toilet, which seems reasonable, but then there must be something a little less dramatic and a little less dramatic until each of us would find our own personal 'Ok, if that's the case I'd have gone to the bathroom instead' point. But then, that's just what it is, a personal call, not a judgement open to the scrutiny of others.
There are a lot of discussions here about finding that personal comfort zone of using diapers, catheters and bathrooms, of trying to find a situation that seems reasonable and normal to us. Balancing convenience and practicality with our own ideas about what is acceptable behavior. In fact, it could probably be said that much of what we do here is trying to decide if we're behaving 'normally' and reasonably as incontinent people. We post our symptoms and detail the frequency and severity, and talk about how we manage this and that, but behind it I think we're often really asking not 'will this work' but 'is this ok to do?'
The social stigmas and taboos around continence, incontinence, products, management. . . the use of shameing in childhood toilet training, the absurb victorian views of the body and elimination that persist. . . these things are emotionally very difficult. Perhaps I'm a 'liberal' when it comes to the use of protection, and when it's 'appropriate' to go in it, but yet I still feel that twinge of shame when I could have made it but decided whatever it was I was doing was more important than keeping a diaper dry (note this is the exact opposite of childhood toilet training, in which the message is often that NOTHING is more important than getting to the toilet). On the surface perhaps I sound lazy, until you consider that on a particularly bad day I could be in the bathroom 20, or 30 times, and even in my own house would likely or certainly STILL have some accidents, never mind away. Considering that, would you have me stand in the bathroom all day, and thus do the 'right' thing, and not wet anything, or should I keep a job, shop, visit with friends, read this forum. . . you know, have a life instead. . . remember, it will lead to wetting when I could have waited near the bathroom and stayed dry?

I'll offer this, while I generally prefer absorbent underwear around the house, and making it to the toilet when I can, I'm sometime fed up enough to tape on a premium diaper, and use it for the hours it lasts just so that I don't have to keep going to the bathroom over and over. Is that 'lazy'? I think a better question is 'How important is staying dry, and how big a deal is a wet diaper?' I can answer than (mostly) for myself, but I can't answer it for anyone else. I'd have to say that's up to them, because it sure isn't affecting me.

Dylan,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm also a "liberal" who refuses to spend most of my day in the bathroom and who uses my diaper to enable me to live a normal life.