www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi all,

This is a really good topic and it hits home for me. I started therapy again recently, because I realized I was avoiding situations, becoming anxious or panicky, and otherwise limiting my life because of fear of embarrassment.

One of the situations that kept me out of public restrooms for the longest time was the fear of others hearing the tapes when I take my diapers off. I would peel them so slowly so they wouldn't make the noise. Also, I was afraid someone would look under the door or see through the crack. I talked to my therapist about these fears, and we came up with a crazy plan to deal with it.

First thing she said was the most successful way to deal with panic and fear is to desensitize yourself to it. She said you just have to grit your teeth and do the thing you fear. My first homework assignment was to go into a public restroom (I used the library) and take the diaper off making the loudest ripping noise I could. When she suggested that, I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. But I went home and did it.

There was a guy in the stall next to me, so I was sweating bullets. But I closed my eyes and let 'er rip! -- six times!!! The guy didn't say anything. He left after a few minutes, but I'm sure I gave him something to think about. Afterward I felt so good about not hiding, I could barely contain myself (not that way!). It's something I would never have predicted. Since then I've been practising a few times a week and it gets easier and easier.

You know, when we don't apologize for ourselves, and we don't hide, we're all helping each other and all the incontinent people out there who are afraid to come out.

Tim

Thanks for sharing this story!

I remember when I first starting wearing protection, I was so paranoid about anybody finding out that if someone walked into the bathroom while I was in the middle of changing my pad, I would sit and wait for them to leave. Sometimes I'm still afraid of that.

I guess it just goes to prove that there's no reason to hide! Even if someone does discover you: a) it's none of their business, b) you have good reason for wearing something, and c) most likely they don't know who you are, so who cares what they know.

Hi Tim (mad jamison) and Rocketman:

Great contributions about a common worry for most of us! It seems that incontinence brings a lot to worry about and some of us do tend to over-do worrying. So, we worry about leaking when we go out, we worry about people noticing that we are wearing a diaper, we worry that people will hear us changing a diaper.

And worrys / fears are not to be dismissed lightly; some people are seriously held back by fears....real or imagined. Tim has made a good contribution here by telling us he was curtailing his lifestyle and freedom out of fear and took the bull by the horns and sought help....and got it. I hope that if anyone is staying home, avoiding life and all that it offers, out of fear of discovery, that they will take heart from these posts by mad jamison and Rocketman and take the bull by the horns and get back out there and enjoy life.

Life is too short to worry about what strangers may or may not think should they hear you changing a diaper in a public stall or even if they (possibly) can detect a rustle as you walk by.

I know it's easy for me to say "Don't worry about it" but I assure you I did worry about it at one time and I paid the price....staying home, refusing invitations and so on. I got tired of paying the price and I've been enjoying life ever since! Come on, let's get on with life! Let the good times roll!

Joe K

I became seriously incontinent in 2001 - previously, I used "guards" that were fairly invisible in underwear. I, too, was apprehensive about reaction - in the locker room since I swim daily. There is no hiding there! I had read advice about trying to act as "natural" as possible. That meant taking no extra time to pull the diaper on or off. It also meant tht I should continue to engage locker room mates in the same banter that we had been doing without calling attention to my new "equipment". The advice worked. Over the past 5 years of this almost daily ritual, I have received comment from only two people - one who himself uses pads because of post-prostate leakage and another who is taking medication for prostate problems but who doesn't use diapers.
In other words, most people are just too busy to pry into others' underwear practices. There is little to be concerned about other than our own composure! True, acting "naturally" is a practiced art, but one that we do all the time - and wearing diapers is just one more case.

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Michael

Although I suspect that incontinence played a role in the loss of my last job, my response was more anger than fear. I've had my share of public accidents, with their attendant embarrassment. However, I see incontinence as a challenge. Every time I surmount that challenge, every time I change in a public restroom, every time circumstances force me to be candid about my incontinence with one or more members of the non-handicapped community, I see myself making life just a little easier for my fellow incontinents. In the years 1997-1999, my incontinence involved such intense pain that morphine did little to blunt it. I lived in fear of the next bladder spasm, praying for the next dose of morphine. The surgeries that cured those spasms have left me totally incontinent, but blessedly pain-free. Sure, the fear is real, but each time one of us forges ahead, we all benefit. Carl

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Carl

Carl,

Not to dig up something painful, but I'm interested to hear how incontinecne could have contributed to your loss of a job? Theoretically, couldn't you sue them?

Rocketman,
I am a retired clergyman. An inner ear (balance and hearing) disease, serious brain damage incurred at age eleven, and a brain tumor combine to make me walk like a drunk, which set my bosses firmly against my continued service to them. Incontinence did not help matters any. The wall of separation between church and state denies clergy any of the benefits enjoyed by other professionals, so I took early retirement and look back only in anger. Carl

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Carl

Hi All being older was lucky retired before incon started.The noise thing with the tabs was a pain when in public restrooms but as time went on I got where it didn't make me upset anymore just like buying protection at the store still dealing with other aspects of incon not totally secure with it yet.Thanks

Hi All being older was lucky retired before incon started.The noise thing with the tabs was a pain when in public restrooms but as time went on I got where it didn't make me upset anymore just like buying protection at the store still dealing with other aspects of incon not totally secure with it yet.Thanks

I think I was better right after the surgery. I was up for the recovery and willing to deal with the "side affects" - "old" combat Marine - and not let anything stop me. I was parinoid also about the bulk and the noise and the not knowing how long I had before I needed a change. But I toughed it out. NOW, 3 years later, I doubt anyone could tell I wore diapers but the whole thing is so maddening. It is somewhat better but then a bad day hits and I just finally want to stay home. I still work. Stil in my 50s. The mental thing has gotten to me.