www.incontinentsupport.org

Mathew,
John is right buying in bulk will save you a ton of money over time that's for sure. For me I never had the option for low absorbency product, I tried pull ups once, as a sample, comfy but didn't have enough absorbency and I like tape for fit. You will find what works for you but, first the getting use to wearing some thing has to set in first. I'm speaking for me but, there is a expectance period I went through before I went to the heavier product to work my way back, but I wear the heaviest plus booster. We all want to wear lighter diaper but, lighter isn't always better. Saying dry for your skin is first.

Thank you for your advice. I didn't mean to seem disrespectful, so I apologize if I did. After having the guard fail and leak again today while at work, I wound up buying several different products and calling my doctor to set up an appointment. I wound up purchasing the CVS mens sample kit and the depends Real fit for men to try them out. I also talked to my partner, like you suggested, and he was concerned, like I am, but sympathetic thankfully. He agrees that I should wear protection that matches my problem and said it didn't make me less attractive, which helped. I'm hoping this level of protection will be enough until I next see a doctor. I'm also hoping that the doctor / urologist will make this go away...



No disrespect assumed, Matthew. My point was that we've all done a lot of "experimenting" with different protection and have our ways of managing our individual conditions. I have products that work well for me and I can share them with you but they may or may not be the best thing for what your needs are. I like to be overprotected to ensure I won't have any problems. Overprotected for me means any tape on diaper since my incontinence is on the lighter side. When I'm at work I use pullups and pads (guards). In that case I trade the level of protection for more discreet protection.

Thanks. I'm able to see some savings now. The RealFit products by Depends don't seem to have great savings though, it still seems to be around $1 a pair. If I were only using 1 a day, that'd be great, but so far from using them for a few days I've gone through 2 or 3. I'm not sure when the best time to change them or what to do with that at all. Though reading the primer has helped.


Thank you. You're saying that you went from the heaviest protection and worked your way down to lighter to see what worked? What do you mean by staying dry for your skin? I will admit wearing disposable underpants is quite strange and a big change from everything else.



Thank you for your reply. I can understand the desire to be overprotected, and I guess I'm trying to rationalize it. I'm hoping my trip to the doctor will solve most of these problems, but I couldn't get an appointment until mid-february for it, so I have to deal with it until then. I've lasted this long though, whats another month? I'm also using the realfit pullups and guards, but they get very uncomfortable after a while if they are wet. You mentioned that you had frequency issues as well. I've searched through the forums a bit to find more information for how people handle having to use the toilet 20+ times a day and what they do to mitigate that or manage that.

Reading through the forums and resources has been very helpful. I've noticed a lot of guys have started off where I am right now, with a frequent urge to go in addition to frequency and urgency. However, I've also noticed that for most, these problems have only gotten worse. That makes me somewhat anxious. Some have made changes to their diet (like cutting out caffiene, which is incredibly difficult for me) and such. One thing I noticed that I had in common with people was not drinking or being very thirsty to try and lower the frequency and urge. I've done this for quite some time, not drinking as much water as I should because when I do, I very very frequently have to go. I am not sure exactly how to address this problem, though.

The frequency is very annoying, especially during classes at school or meetings at work where I can't use the restroom. How do people here usually deal with this? The amount of pain and annoyance from bladder pressure can get overwhelming, and I can say I did more poorly than I should have on a final because of it. Does sleep affect these issues at all either?

Sorry for the onslaught of questions and thanks to anyone who reads or answers this. Its a load of my back to see that people have dealt with what I've been dealing with for months or years.

Matthew you should keep your fluid level up and not cut back to slow down the need to pee, if real fits and guards are getting soaked your should really consider switching to a taped diaper like dry 24/7's. They are way more absorbant then real fits and will reduce the number of times you need to change,

Once you see the doctor and he gives you some more options you should consider wearing better protection until then. I to started wearing real fits but switched to better protection and I haven't looked back and I am managing my OAB with dry 24/7's

Thank you for your advice. If you have OAB and leakage as well, outside of medicine, how do you help manage or mitigate the frequency, so you don't need to use the restroom as often? I'm kind of clueless as to how one would use a taped diaper as well, but its something worth considering. Thank you again.

When I began to notice that I was in the bathroom a lot I started keeping track of the frequency. I was at 12 times a day, then it went to 15 times a day and upwards from there. I'm anywhere between 20-30 times a day now. When it got really bad one day I ended up in the ER getting a foley. Shortly thereafter I got a prescription for them and have been using them for over a year and a half. I always make the toilet but have terrible urgency and leak after I use the bathroom. I'm usually leaking until the next time I have to pee. My other issues are at night, I am getting up anywhere between 0-5 times a night, some nights I sleep through the night and some nights I'm up 3,4,or 5 times when I don't have a foley in. The day I ended up in the ER I hadn't slept through the night in over a week and I was ready to kill my family. Some of the things I do to help mitigate my problems is that I wear protection, (pullups and pads at work, regular diapers at home) I stick to water and Gatorade to drink. Caffeine and alcohol are major trigger drinks for me. I don't agree well with lemonade or citrus either. I don't drink any caffeine and only alcohol if I am catheterized. Some people have known trigger foods, these are mine. A few other things that cause problems for the bladder are caffeine, alcohol, citrus, lemonade, OJ, chocolate, tomatoes or tomato products etc. there is a whole list but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Some people find that if they eliminate all the bladder irritating foods/drinks and then reintroduce them one at a time and see what effects they have if any. I know mine through trial and error. Stress, anxiety, and being overtired cause my problems to be much worse.

Matthew, thank you for your post. The Real Fits are pretty typical of the whole pull-up diaper genre. I have light incontinence due to chronic prostatitis, and pull-ups are all I need. I find that they are fantastically good at their intended purpose: they absorb small amounts of involuntary urine loss due to post-micturition dribbling. But they would be of limited usefulness for managing symptoms of urgency and frequency. That is a euphemistic way of saying that pull-ups work great as long as you don't use the diaper as a substitute for going to the bathroom. Pull-ups typically have a capacity of less than 400mls, and a low absorbency rate. As you have observed, they are uncomfortable when they start to feel wet, which is probably at less than 200mls, and they will leak during floods. Many guys on this forum have more advanced forms of urinary incontinence, and choose to wear a fitted brief. For guys who are somewhere in between pull-ups and fitted briefs, it can be a tough call. Fitted briefs are difficult to remove, and the whole point of wearing them is that you can confidently forego using the bathroom. For me, a fitted brief would not be a good solution, because I have only light incontinence. For others, they're great. Each patient needs to make this decision himself, based on his own (and his doctor's) assessment of his needs. It's good that you have an appointment to see a urologist. In the meantime, bless you and good luck to you.

Hello Matthew, You asked how I managed for 20 years. The simple answer was denial. I never even considered that I had a problem at first. I just figured I needed to pee a lot. When I was still working I had easy access to the restroom at all times so it was no big deal. The only time the URGE was a problem was when I was away from a restroom. Back then I managed with iron will. I was able to clamp down and overpower the urge to go. That bought me an extra 30 minutes. All the time I needed for an emergency trip to the bathroom.

About 5 years later I was diagnosed with Bi Polar II. I was introduced to a widely varying medication regime. The effects were devastating. Both bladder and bowel incontinence, vomiting and loss of mental clarity along with other side effects were common. As the meds changed and I learned to deal with them I began having bouts of night time incontinence. In trying to balance the benefits vs. the side effects I found that by taking the meds at bed time I was largely free of daytime trouble. The downside was night time incontinence. The drugs put me into such a deep sleep that my over active bladder just let go while I was sleeping. Needless to say I needed protection. My night time issues were heavy wetting. After having dismal results with disposables I turned to reusables (cloth diapers and plastic pants) and found that by adding cloth layers I could get protection that worked every time. Naturally plastic pants over them were required.

I also found that life was a lot easier if I wore protection during the daytime if I was going to be away from a bathroom. Seeing I had better success with cloth I looked into more discrete daytime wear. I found that thick underwear was available. Depending on how long I was out I could wear one or sometimes two of these pants and get all the protection I needed. Low cut plastic pants are available that reduce the image of full cut plastic pants. These work well over pull up cloth garments.
It took a while for me to get over feeling that everybody was looking and judging. In reality no one has seen or said anything in 15 years.

A recent vacation involving air travel and extended time away from bathrooms resulted in accidents that finally made it clear to me that "I had a problem". It was hard for me to accept this and was emotionally painful to have to go to the doctor and confess the whole mess. I have recently informed my close friends and family members of the problem. That was a tremendous relief as they were not the least judgmental and only felt badly that I was going thru this.

Now that my oab/urge problems are out in the open I'm hugely relieved and I can take a more realistic attitude about it.
I'm currently trying the OAB medications and must admit they aren't doing much yet. But I've learned that sometimes it takes a while tailor medications to your bodies systems. I have pretty much ruled out the more extreme solutions since I've been managing the incontinence for years. Now that everyone knows of my potty problems it's just not that big of a deal. If the incontinence problems are something you can't deal with, by all means look into the possibilities presented by the various procedures available. They are undoubtedly working for the majority of people.

Take care and good luck Matthew, Ted

Hello Matthew, You asked how I managed for 20 years. The simple answer was denial. I never even considered that I had a problem at first. I just figured I needed to pee a lot. When I was still working I had easy access to the restroom at all times so it was no big deal. The only time the URGE was a problem was when I was away from a restroom. Back then I managed with iron will. I was able to clamp down and overpower the urge to go. That bought me an extra 30 minutes. All the time I needed for an emergency trip to the bathroom.

About 5 years later I was diagnosed with Bi Polar II. I was introduced to a widely varying medication regime. The effects were devastating. Both bladder and bowel incontinence, vomiting and loss of mental clarity along with other side effects were common. As the meds changed and I learned to deal with them I began having bouts of night time incontinence. In trying to balance the benefits vs. the side effects I found that by taking the meds at bed time I was largely free of daytime trouble. The downside was night time incontinence. The drugs put me into such a deep sleep that my over active bladder just let go while I was sleeping. Needless to say I needed protection. My night time issues were heavy wetting. After having dismal results with disposables I turned to reusables (cloth diapers and plastic pants) and found that by adding cloth layers I could get protection that worked every time. Naturally plastic pants over them were required.

I also found that life was a lot easier if I wore protection during the daytime if I was going to be away from a bathroom. Seeing I had better success with cloth I looked into more discrete daytime wear. I found that thick underwear was available. Depending on how long I was out I could wear one or sometimes two of these pants and get all the protection I needed. Low cut plastic pants are available that reduce the image of full cut plastic pants. These work well over pull up cloth garments.
It took a while for me to get over feeling that everybody was looking and judging. In reality no one has seen or said anything in 15 years.

A recent vacation involving air travel and extended time away from bathrooms resulted in accidents that finally made it clear to me that "I had a problem". It was hard for me to accept this and was emotionally painful to have to go to the doctor and confess the whole mess. I have recently informed my close friends and family members of the problem. That was a tremendous relief as they were not the least judgmental and only felt badly that I was going thru this.

Now that my oab/urge problems are out in the open I'm hugely relieved and I can take a more realistic attitude about it.
I'm currently trying the OAB medications and must admit they aren't doing much yet. But I've learned that sometimes it takes a while tailor medications to your bodies systems. I have pretty much ruled out the more extreme solutions since I've been managing the incontinence for years. Now that everyone knows of my potty problems it's just not that big of a deal. If the incontinence problems are something you can't deal with, by all means look into the possibilities presented by the various procedures available. They are undoubtedly working for the majority of people.

Take care and good luck Matthew, Ted

Thanks for this advice. That's quite a lot of things to abstain from. I'll do more research regarding dietary influences on the bladder as well. This is helpful though, cutting out caffeine entirely has proven to be incredibly difficult for me. Alcohol is no big deal.


Thank you for sharing your experience. I never really intended on using diapers/pullups as a substitute for the bathroom. I thought that my issues aren't so bad that I need anything besides pullups, but perhaps I'm fooling myself. All of this stuff is incredibly confusing, and until I'm able to see a doctor I imagine it will continue to be so. I suppose I have to rationalize it or come to some sort of decision. Still, this is very helpful. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing. I suppose my experience is similar because for a long time, I just didn't feel like I had a problem. Cloth-solutions sound rather expensive though.