www.incontinentsupport.org

Hello, Matthew and welcome to the forums. I'm 34 and have a similar issue. I also have extreme urinary frequency and light(ish) incontinence. I'm in the bathroom 20-25+times a day at this point. I like the depends guards for men when I wear them inside a Tena for men pullup. The pad fits well in the pullup. The pad makes the pullup last longer. I use this set up at work as it is discreet and easy to hide under a uniform. When I am at home I prefer a regular diaper as I have always felt that I'd rather go overkill on my level of protection and be safe than to underestimate my issues and have a problem. The benefit of having incontinence on the lighter side is that there is a wide range of products available to us, whereas the folks that have heavy leakage/floods need premium level absorption. For a tape style diaper I recommend Tena Classic. These are very breathable, super discreet, and quiet. The Tena product is well respected here as well.
As far as doctors go, I've seen 13 of them and haven't had great luck with any of them. I've taken meds, had procedures, and even a surgery. Nothing has helped me. I'm a Foley catheter user due to the extreme nature of my urinary frequency and those have helped, but are not without their side effects. Diapers are great, and they really don't have any side effects. Once again welcome aboard and we stand ready to assist you in any way we can while you travel down the road as an incontinent person.

I will try that. Thank you.



Thank you for sharing your experience. I am in a similar boat where I use the bathroom 20+ times a day. Your story regarding the doctors...does not make me hopeful, really. I'm already pretty annoyed / terrified with doctors to begin with. That also sounds like a lot of products to buy as well. Perhaps I can go with a pull up or a diaper considering I dealt with more guard issues today, but it'd be difficult to explain or rationalize it to my partner and that worries me a lot. Its a pretty embarrassing issue as it stands. I definitely am a little too cringed out by a catheter to even think about it. Again, thank you.

matthew,

I regret to inform you that the tests, examinations, and treatments a urologist will likely order will stretch the limits of your embarrassment to their breaking point and beyond. Far beyond. When your humiliation is at its worst, try to remember that the nurses and technicians who are treating you see this many times every day on the job. All males look pretty much alike, so it is no big deal for them. Good luck.

So the catheter is a really extreme solution and came about after a prolonged period of not sleeping through the night and days of extreme urinary frequency causing me to spend most of my time in the bathroom. The urologist's office referred me to go to the emergency room and have the Foley put in and it was shortly thereafter that I ended up with a prescription for them, however my wife is an emergency room nurse and is skilled in placing the Foley catheters so that is the other reason why this is a working solution for me and may not be a workable solution for you.
I understand your feeling about doctors, I could tell you some horror stories as I have not had very good luck with the 13 doctors I have seen. I am extremely unimpressed with the American healthcare system after dealing with the issues that I have for nearly 2 years now.
As far as protection goes, you need to find what works for you. I gave you a couple of suggestions of things that I have been using that seem to work well for me, but just because they work for me doesn't mean they will work for you. If you are having issues with the guards then you need to be wearing heavier protection. If you go to light on the protection you are going to have leaks and it is going to be more embarrassing because you will have wet spots in your pants.
The next thing that you need to do is to sit down and have a frank discussion with your partner. You need to do this sooner rather than later so that they know that you are having issues and what you are going to do to deal with your issues. I suspect that they would prefer you wear protection around the house so as not to damage the furniture or bedding. Furthermore it is a comfort and hygiene issue for you not to be wearing the appropriate protection. I am sure that your partner will understand when you spell out all the things that are going on and highlight the points that I have made.
Good Luck and let us know how it goes for you!!

Welcome Matt,
We all have a story here and deal with our issue in different way to coupe with incontinence. I myself totally incontinent and max diaper with booster to get to the next change. Using catheters to rest my skin and to make sure my bladder is drained properly. My thoughts is to always have more protection than you need to make sure there isn't embarrassing wet spots etc. You may get by with pull ups and booster if needed. It takes time to get use to wearing protection, you have to find what fits you best and of course comfort. Good luck !!

Thank you for your replies. I'll try and find my way across the board if I have any input. I feel I'm still rather new to this to really post more insight. Thank you for the warning, Patrick...I just gotta get over my nervousness now.



Thank you for your advice. I didn't mean to seem disrespectful, so I apologize if I did. After having the guard fail and leak again today while at work, I wound up buying several different products and calling my doctor to set up an appointment. I wound up purchasing the CVS mens sample kit and the depends Real fit for men to try them out. I also talked to my partner, like you suggested, and he was concerned, like I am, but sympathetic thankfully. He agrees that I should wear protection that matches my problem and said it didn't make me less attractive, which helped. I'm hoping this level of protection will be enough until I next see a doctor. I'm also hoping that the doctor / urologist will make this go away...



Thank you for your advise, and for sharing your experience. You may be right that the more protection, the better. Its just a bit nerve-wracking and embarrassing to deal with. Posting here and reading the posts have made me feel quite a bit better about it, though. Again, thank you.

Hello Matthew, For what it's worth, I'm just a bit past where you are headed with this incontinence thing. I finally admitted that I have a "problem" after hiding from it for close to 20 years. Your decision to let your loved ones in on your secret is a giant leap forward. For me it helped lessen the stigma of "wetting your pants" unbelievably. Everyone I told felt badly and in no way judged me.

The next giant step was the trip to the doctor. I deal with anxiety issues along with the incontinence thing. So I put myself thru hell for two months after deciding to confront the problem. I needed the support of the doctor to deal with this on MY schedule not his. As I have a problem processing stressful situations quickly, I found I needed to slow down the whole ordeal to where I could emotionally deal with the stigma, embarrassment and overwhelming fear. Explain to your doctor about how YOU wish to progress with your problem. YOU are the customer. Tell him if YOU feel he is intimidating YOU. Most doctors have no idea how overwhelming they are. I got the feeling that they really don't want to be.

Added to the stress was I changed my GP and didn't know how the new physician treated his patients. To say I was a wreck would be an understatement. As it turned out I was first greeted by the doctor's staff nurse. She was very disarming and it made it a little easier to get out that "I have a
wetting problem". Once that was out there was no going back (which I desperately wanted to do at that point). My wife had an appointment with him the next day and she discussed my apprehension with him. He told her that he felt really bad that I had to go thru the hell this had put me thru with him. So, I learned that yes, doctors can be "human".

What he did was question me about my symptoms. The prostate discussion ensued as that's the root cause of a large percentage of male incontinence issues. After discussing that, he had me give a urine sample and a blood test. He told me that would go a long way as to see if there was a serious issue like cancer. The fact that I've been dealing with this for 20 years pretty much ruled out something deadly.

The urine sample was processed while I waited for blood to be drawn. The doc reported to me that I was all clear on that test. Two days later he reported that my blood work came back clear ( but my cholesterol sucked ). He told me that there are medications available that can help my problem. he also informed me of the common side effects. I told him I'd like to give them a try. I'm currently taking them and waiting to see if they work. There's plenty written at this forum about the drugs. You might want to do some research on them to see if that's a path you wish to follow.

I would heartily suggest seeing your doctor before you see a urologist. He can asses the possibility of a simple solution. That also gives you some time to sort thru this whole mess at a pace that doesn't overwhelm you (I get the impression you're as stressed out as I was). As I'm taking the pills I am able to consider the next step. The difficult tests associated with a urologists approach, or just dealing with the problem the way I have for years. The fact that the people that matter to me are informed has hugely relieved the stress I have had about this problem.
Good luck with your decisions on how to go, Ted

Matt,
Real fit maybe all you need, they fit and look like under wear. I wished that's all I needed, but its not in the cards for me. They are a little pricey, but if you get the fit and protection needed go for it. Just don't get caught short when you are out. Take care and always good luck.

Thank you. It worked better than the guards, but I am pretty worried about the cost adding up. Its like $12 for 12. I am analyzing my options I guess for the best cost effective solution thats not extreme or over the top. I'm wondering if there is a similar alternative out there. Its still pretty strange to wear these I guess, the fit is weird and kind of tight, and its...well, its really strange, even compared to normal underwear. I can't describe it well. But my pants weren't damp for the first time in a long time, which was nice. I'm hoping I can make these or something work.



Thank you. All of the information regarding tests, treatments, and drugs are a lot to take in, and its pretty scary, if I'm being honest. I'm definitely anxious about it all. But relieved that I'm not alone as well. How did you manage your problem for 20 years before you reached the point you are at now? How did your partner deal with it all this time? Thank you for your response. I'll talk to a doctor soon and get over my anxiety.

Matthew,

You noted the unfortunate cost of disposables. Yes, it really adds up. However, after you have found a product that works well for you, do note that you can save a lot of money by ordering diapers or other absorbent products by the case - often around 30%.

--John