What to tell others, like our children?
Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:41 am
I'm sure this subject has come around a few times, but I have not found a lot about it so far.
I am thinking that sooner or later someone will find out about my incon, no mather how much I try to conseal it. Espesialy our children of 12 and 15, are sure to find out sometime. It is not easy to hide away diapers and suplies in the bathroom. Were we live at now, we have a separate bathroom conected to the masterbedroom, and that helps. But in our own house we have only one bathroom at the main floor, and of cause the whole family uses it. Besides, kids the age of ours are incredible good at finding out if something isn't right...
So what to tell them?
My husband sugests to flat out lie.
"Everyone knows about the problems you have with your back. So why not just say it is caused by that, insted of having to go trough the whole long story, or the embarrassment of not giving any reason at all. And besides, who knows if your backproblems are not the main reason for your incon problems", he says.
(see my post "A lot of questions" in General discusions" about why and how)
Of cause it would have been better if I could find the courrage to go see the doctor and hopefully find the reason for my problems. It might not help making the incon better, but having an explanation for things are always good.
So, for those of you with children, what do you and say?
I am thinking that sooner or later someone will find out about my incon, no mather how much I try to conseal it. Espesialy our children of 12 and 15, are sure to find out sometime. It is not easy to hide away diapers and suplies in the bathroom. Were we live at now, we have a separate bathroom conected to the masterbedroom, and that helps. But in our own house we have only one bathroom at the main floor, and of cause the whole family uses it. Besides, kids the age of ours are incredible good at finding out if something isn't right...
So what to tell them?
My husband sugests to flat out lie.
"Everyone knows about the problems you have with your back. So why not just say it is caused by that, insted of having to go trough the whole long story, or the embarrassment of not giving any reason at all. And besides, who knows if your backproblems are not the main reason for your incon problems", he says.
(see my post "A lot of questions" in General discusions" about why and how)
Of cause it would have been better if I could find the courrage to go see the doctor and hopefully find the reason for my problems. It might not help making the incon better, but having an explanation for things are always good.
So, for those of you with children, what do you and say?
Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:16 am
My kids were told a simple version, but the truth. They were told "Dad has some medical issues that require him to were diapers. It is very embarrassing and private. It is not to be talked about outside this house." That was the end of it for the questions. If they told anyone else it never got back to me.
Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:00 am
You will find children etc are if told properly ie not lied to so find out another way? that are very understanding as you are there parents and look upto you and want your well being to be looked after as they are not as stupid/silly as others make them out to be.
so if you are going to broach a subject with them ie whatever it maybe treat them with respect and you will be surprised how well they respond/cope.
Hope that helps someone.
When you are young you have anuncluttered mind of predujuices/etc!.
so if you are going to broach a subject with them ie whatever it maybe treat them with respect and you will be surprised how well they respond/cope.
Hope that helps someone.
When you are young you have anuncluttered mind of predujuices/etc!.
Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:07 pm
We had to deal with this with Janes oldest child. Jane and I just sat the kid down and explained why this was and this is how we deal with it. Janes kid said yeah that's what My husband had said also 
So I said then why did you ask us. I wanted to know if it was true? Are you ever going to grow out of them Jane said no probly not honey. Gee I sure hope it doesn't happen to me the kid said when I get old 
We also said that this is something we don't talk to anyone about we just keep it between us. After all if you had a problem like this would you want your friends to know. OH NO Never well honey Jane said we feel the same way.
So it was rather easy no problems I think you will find most kids understanding.......................Sandy
So I said then why did you ask us. I wanted to know if it was true? Are you ever going to grow out of them Jane said no probly not honey. Gee I sure hope it doesn't happen to me the kid said when I get old We also said that this is something we don't talk to anyone about we just keep it between us. After all if you had a problem like this would you want your friends to know. OH NO Never well honey Jane said we feel the same way.
So it was rather easy no problems I think you will find most kids understanding.......................Sandy
Telling Family
Tue Feb 15, 2011 8:21 pm
In the close quarters of a home it's only a matter of time before your kids find out that you wear a diaper. Traveling as a family is even tougher. When my daughter noticed the diapers and plastic pants stashed in the closet she was naturally curious. My wife and I were discrete but matter-of-fact about why adults or even older kids might need to wear a diaper. She took it all in stride and that was the end of it.
One of my grandsons asked why ...
Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:43 am
there were diapers around. So I told him about my MS and my wife added more fill in info.
The grandkids (now 11 and 18 ) live with us since my step daughter died about 2½ years ago.
About all the younger one said was "Oh". Older one never said a thing or asked any questions.
My son and daughter I just flat out told them what was going on years ago. No problems.
I think you're making more of it than needs to be. It's a fact of life!
I used to wear glasses because I had terrible vision, I made no excuses for the glasses/contacts so why would diapers be any different?
The grandkids (now 11 and 18 ) live with us since my step daughter died about 2½ years ago.
About all the younger one said was "Oh". Older one never said a thing or asked any questions.
My son and daughter I just flat out told them what was going on years ago. No problems.
I think you're making more of it than needs to be. It's a fact of life!
I used to wear glasses because I had terrible vision, I made no excuses for the glasses/contacts so why would diapers be any different?
Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:00 pm
I have two boys age 5 and 3. They are both totally oblivious to the fact that I wear diapers. I will tell them why when they get a little older. My five year old is old enough to know that I wear them. He knows what diapers are. He's pretty smart. He just doesn't care. I started wearing them like 3 years ago when he was two. So as far as my underwear goes, that all he knows. And he's never embarassed me or told a soul. I think my kids are very understanding. Kids are smarter than we often give them credit for.
Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:00 am
Thank you all for your replies. We (my husband and I) still havent talked to the kids about my problem, but we will have to soon enough. I guess we are waiting for the exames and tests to give me a reason/explanation for my incontinens. And hopefully a way to make it better.
The positive thing is that I finaly found the corrage to go see a doctor and start the prosces for finding out why. My husband came along on that first doctors visit to help me tell about the years of sexual abuse and the psykological problems and limitations that has caused.
I know that when we talk to the children they will probably be understanding and descreet about it. The biggest problem is probably that I still feel so bad about the inco and the diapers, that talking to and telling the kids is just to scary.
The positive thing is that I finaly found the corrage to go see a doctor and start the prosces for finding out why. My husband came along on that first doctors visit to help me tell about the years of sexual abuse and the psykological problems and limitations that has caused.
I know that when we talk to the children they will probably be understanding and descreet about it. The biggest problem is probably that I still feel so bad about the inco and the diapers, that talking to and telling the kids is just to scary.
Thu Apr 28, 2011 4:26 am
Ani, I never told my kids about my incontinence, but they probably know anyway. My kids are adults now but I've been incontinent for their whole lives. Mostly, I am able to keep things private, but occasionally, things happen that are hard to get passed. Like when a big box (diapers) arrive at the front door. "Dad, what's in the box?" "Never you mind!" While at Disneyland - "Dad, why are there diapers in your backpack?" "Never you mind!" Home from college - "Dad, what is this package of diapers doing in the bathroom cabinet?" "Never you mind!" You get the picture. This hasn't happened more than a few times in total, so I never really felt that I had to tell them. I don't think my kids have been affected in any way because I didn't tell them. I don't lie, I just don't answer the question. It's private. It seems to just end there. I don't think they have asked my wife either. Since they have left home, I'm a little less worried about them discovering my "secret", I know they understand that Dad has some health issues and they leave it at that. I did tell my sister-in-law the other day, but she is the first. There wasn't any big gasp, no probing questions, just next topic. No big deal. That is the way I like it. Private.
Thu Apr 28, 2011 6:35 pm
My mum had continence problems when I was a teenager. She'd had a lot of hormone treatment so I think that was the main cause. She was quite open about it with me at the time. It wasn't a big deal to me at all. Just another health problem to discuss and support someone with. I think you might be surprised how supportive family can be with these things.