Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Mon Jan 05, 2015 6:34 pm
Hey all,
Somehow, a post i made earlier didnt quite make it on the forum..perhaps i didnt hit the submit button before closing the page..or one of the mods deleted it.. if so, no grudges..you guys are the boss..your wishes are my command as it were.. in that post i raised the possiblity of disclosing my incotnience to my managers at Walmart.. to avoid getting in trouble if I'm ever caught in a situation where i need to take a longer break in order to change..which ordinarliy does not happen when i utilize extended wear. But, in the case last night.. i needed to change much suooner than i thought. Here is my question...have any of you found it necessary to disclose your incontience to your manager to avoid getting in trouble at work for performance related issues? How did you handle it? How did they handle it? I know that CJinNM disclosed his incon to his boss... I'm curious under what context..
I am split on this..on the one hand, embarassment leads me to say, no don't say anything..but on the other hand.. I need to keep this job until June at least.. and im already on probation for job performance... and I can't afford to get another peformance related coaching.. if they catch me taking longer on my 15 minute break due to an unforseen diaper circumstance.. Or taking a longer lunch for the same reason..it might raise quesitons that if i don't answer truthfully, or don't do a preemtive disclosure on this.. it might make things worse. I guess in a sense i am more relaxed about my incontience now that I have accepted it as permanent..i don't seem to be as repulsed by the idea of disclosing..
Thoughts, comments, experiences, and advice would be most welcome and appreciated!
Peace out!
Rob
Somehow, a post i made earlier didnt quite make it on the forum..perhaps i didnt hit the submit button before closing the page..or one of the mods deleted it.. if so, no grudges..you guys are the boss..your wishes are my command as it were.. in that post i raised the possiblity of disclosing my incotnience to my managers at Walmart.. to avoid getting in trouble if I'm ever caught in a situation where i need to take a longer break in order to change..which ordinarliy does not happen when i utilize extended wear. But, in the case last night.. i needed to change much suooner than i thought. Here is my question...have any of you found it necessary to disclose your incontience to your manager to avoid getting in trouble at work for performance related issues? How did you handle it? How did they handle it? I know that CJinNM disclosed his incon to his boss... I'm curious under what context..
I am split on this..on the one hand, embarassment leads me to say, no don't say anything..but on the other hand.. I need to keep this job until June at least.. and im already on probation for job performance... and I can't afford to get another peformance related coaching.. if they catch me taking longer on my 15 minute break due to an unforseen diaper circumstance.. Or taking a longer lunch for the same reason..it might raise quesitons that if i don't answer truthfully, or don't do a preemtive disclosure on this.. it might make things worse. I guess in a sense i am more relaxed about my incontience now that I have accepted it as permanent..i don't seem to be as repulsed by the idea of disclosing..
Thoughts, comments, experiences, and advice would be most welcome and appreciated!
Peace out!
Rob
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:48 pm
I have not said anything to my supervisor partly because I feel I could not trust it would stay with him. He is one of those if you want a secret to get out, just tell him.
If I did have to tell someone at my work place I would go to his supervisor as I feel I can trust him to keep it and be able to run interference if it became a problem.
As for you situation, it would depend if you feel you could trust your supervisor not to tell people. Maybe start the conversation out with I have some plumbing problems which sometimes require me to take a little bit more time on breaks. I will try to not let this interfere with my performance.
Being that this is Walmart, do they have a HR hotline to discuss problems which you could get advice?
If I did have to tell someone at my work place I would go to his supervisor as I feel I can trust him to keep it and be able to run interference if it became a problem.
As for you situation, it would depend if you feel you could trust your supervisor not to tell people. Maybe start the conversation out with I have some plumbing problems which sometimes require me to take a little bit more time on breaks. I will try to not let this interfere with my performance.
Being that this is Walmart, do they have a HR hotline to discuss problems which you could get advice?
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Tue Jan 06, 2015 3:45 am
Rob: While not having the displeasure of having to inform management of my "issues", a paraplegic friend of mine and diaper user had to inform the bosses of her need for an accommodation. Because we were a large corporation, the management was forced to adhere to company policy and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). I don't know all the in's and out's of the ADA law, but I do know that she was granted several "accommodations" (for example, a private room at a fixed time of day so she could manage her diaper changes).
Given that you work for WalMart, they probably have their own policies so that they can comply with the ADA. You may want to do some internet/google-search research prior to approaching your bosses.
Best wishes ...
Given that you work for WalMart, they probably have their own policies so that they can comply with the ADA. You may want to do some internet/google-search research prior to approaching your bosses.
Best wishes ...
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:37 am
I haven't told my boss nor do I plan to tell him. It's embarrassing enough needing to deal with "plumbing problems" and since it isn't affecting my performance why should I. And second, I worry that it could affect my career if I revealed my situation..
The only times which it would be convenient that he knew, is when we are on business travel together. I always dread to be exposed of at the security in the airports. And that he'll find out I wear diapers.
Next month I'm going to the US...and already I'm trying to find the best way to remain in stealth mode.
The only times which it would be convenient that he knew, is when we are on business travel together. I always dread to be exposed of at the security in the airports. And that he'll find out I wear diapers.
Next month I'm going to the US...and already I'm trying to find the best way to remain in stealth mode.
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:13 pm
Rob,
found two site that may help you determine what to do. The second one I will copy and paste the discussion as I had to sign up to see the post.
http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-s ... 582/90152/
https://www.inspire.com/groups/national ... employment
My last job was as a Human Resources Specialist for 16yrs. I did have an overactive bladder the last 2 years of employment there and while I did t disclose my use of pee pads to my employer or coworkers, I do feel they knew at least some of the aspects of it.
As per employment laws, may not apply to every state, your employer cannot fire you because you didn't disclose a medical condition... As long as it is not interfering directly with your job duties because an employer needs to reasonably accommodate your medical needs... Like if you need an anti glare screen, special keyboard... Etc... By reasonably it means something that is not going to put a financial burden on the company. In fact, even if a medical condition is visible, staff and employer cannot ask about it, mention it, not even ask if you need help because of this condition (ie; wheel chair, cane, etc).
Best thing to do for both the employee/applicant and company is to go through interview and then ask to speak or make appt with either Human Resources or Employee Relations to explain your medical condition or disability. Some of the reasons are for accommodation purposes, and the other reasons are for future purposes like if you were to need to take a medical leave. If medical condition or disability is not disclosed prior to needing a medical leave it becomes a lot of coming and going with paperwork for both employee and company... Also, if the employee was to make a mistake at work and it was because of a medical condition or disability, depending on severity of mistake, it is possible you can avoid losing your job if this was disclosed at time of hire with Human Resources or Employee Relations; for example you were caught sleeping at your desk... could be due to meds or medical condition... this is grounds for termination but disclosing info at time of hire could help you in disputing termination. When medical conditions are disclosed to either one of these departments, the boss and pertinent staff will only be told the necessary info about your medical condition to avoid problems. For example: you have have overactive bladder or incontinence then boss is only told you need to be allowed extra bathroom breaks and extended bathroom breaks. Needed accommodations are always discussed with the employee first to make sure you are ok with them and are they sufficient or necessary... From there the dept you disclosed this info to will explain the accommodation requirements but not the condition or symptoms to your boss. The ADA covers disabilities but not all conditions fall under disability but we still have rights including privacy. Sorry for the length but i hope it helps someone.
I personally went to Employee Relations and took a dr's note explaining details of frequency, duration, etc... My boss was only told (I was cc'd on email sent to him) I needed extended bathroom breaks along with extra bathroom breaks, the number of time and duration was unknown and if any problems with my performance arose due to these accommodations to speak with Employee Relations first before I was addressed.
found two site that may help you determine what to do. The second one I will copy and paste the discussion as I had to sign up to see the post.
http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-s ... 582/90152/
https://www.inspire.com/groups/national ... employment
My last job was as a Human Resources Specialist for 16yrs. I did have an overactive bladder the last 2 years of employment there and while I did t disclose my use of pee pads to my employer or coworkers, I do feel they knew at least some of the aspects of it.
As per employment laws, may not apply to every state, your employer cannot fire you because you didn't disclose a medical condition... As long as it is not interfering directly with your job duties because an employer needs to reasonably accommodate your medical needs... Like if you need an anti glare screen, special keyboard... Etc... By reasonably it means something that is not going to put a financial burden on the company. In fact, even if a medical condition is visible, staff and employer cannot ask about it, mention it, not even ask if you need help because of this condition (ie; wheel chair, cane, etc).
Best thing to do for both the employee/applicant and company is to go through interview and then ask to speak or make appt with either Human Resources or Employee Relations to explain your medical condition or disability. Some of the reasons are for accommodation purposes, and the other reasons are for future purposes like if you were to need to take a medical leave. If medical condition or disability is not disclosed prior to needing a medical leave it becomes a lot of coming and going with paperwork for both employee and company... Also, if the employee was to make a mistake at work and it was because of a medical condition or disability, depending on severity of mistake, it is possible you can avoid losing your job if this was disclosed at time of hire with Human Resources or Employee Relations; for example you were caught sleeping at your desk... could be due to meds or medical condition... this is grounds for termination but disclosing info at time of hire could help you in disputing termination. When medical conditions are disclosed to either one of these departments, the boss and pertinent staff will only be told the necessary info about your medical condition to avoid problems. For example: you have have overactive bladder or incontinence then boss is only told you need to be allowed extra bathroom breaks and extended bathroom breaks. Needed accommodations are always discussed with the employee first to make sure you are ok with them and are they sufficient or necessary... From there the dept you disclosed this info to will explain the accommodation requirements but not the condition or symptoms to your boss. The ADA covers disabilities but not all conditions fall under disability but we still have rights including privacy. Sorry for the length but i hope it helps someone.
I personally went to Employee Relations and took a dr's note explaining details of frequency, duration, etc... My boss was only told (I was cc'd on email sent to him) I needed extended bathroom breaks along with extra bathroom breaks, the number of time and duration was unknown and if any problems with my performance arose due to these accommodations to speak with Employee Relations first before I was addressed.
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:14 am
Thanks for the input, but i feel compelled to point out that we are talking about disclosng said conditon when hired..i was hired by Walmart in Dec of 2013 as a temporary overnight stocker, and was made fulltime maintenance in Jaunuary 2014.. I never disclosed my incontinence at the interview, because, at the time i was still in full control of my bladder..had been for years with no problems.. it was not until may out of the blue and at work my bladder started acting up. When it reoccured, i considered letting them know what was up..but ultimately decided not to since i was going to undergo treatement and was still hoping to beat this with the therapy.. now that I have accepted it as permanent.. It would seem that it may be appropriate to perhaps let personnel know what's going on so they can let my overnight managers know. I don't plan on using Delta Form again, since they had that epic tape fail.. and they clump and fall apart..I'm leaning toward Abena X-Plus or Absorbency Plus.. Dry 24/7 seems to be a little bit of overkill since it absorbs a crazy amount..and costs more than either absorbency plus or abena..
In other news, I'm starting up subsitute teaching again, so i went ahead and bought another bag of Tena Slip Maxi.. along with my 4th bodystocking.. I am slowly builidng up a supply of bodystockings until i have 6 or so.. that way, I can wear a clean fresh one nearly every day, or every other day.. It definely makes a difference not only keeping any and all diapers hidden and discreet.but keeeping them up and snug against the body to make absorption more effective, and reducing clumping and sagging..
Peace out!
Rob
In other news, I'm starting up subsitute teaching again, so i went ahead and bought another bag of Tena Slip Maxi.. along with my 4th bodystocking.. I am slowly builidng up a supply of bodystockings until i have 6 or so.. that way, I can wear a clean fresh one nearly every day, or every other day.. It definely makes a difference not only keeping any and all diapers hidden and discreet.but keeeping them up and snug against the body to make absorption more effective, and reducing clumping and sagging..
Peace out!
Rob
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Wed Jan 07, 2015 3:15 pm
SG,
What I did when I first told my employer was to get a note form my specialist stating I was under their care for a ongoing bladder condition and I would need extra breaks and more access to the restroom. This was how I left it at first but it later got to where I sat with him and explained in mor detail what was going on. I felt I needed to because it would only be a matter of time before my conditon would be found out.
To tell you the truth, when I did that, I felt such a wave of relief. First because I did not need to carry the stress of hiding it with him but also if it ever did become an issue, he would know before hand and could provide a little back up. For example, if a coworker found out and reported you to him, he could tell them he was aware and for them to keep that to themselves. Also if you had an emergency and needed to go because you were leaking or whatever you would not need to waste time giving a reason. He would already have a clue and just give you the time you need.
Another benefit I got by telling him was he (in a very discreet way)contacted our insurance company to see if I could get assistance with cost and also mad available our employee assistance program which is there to provide counciling if needed which I did use because I was having a hard time coping at the time.
What I did when I first told my employer was to get a note form my specialist stating I was under their care for a ongoing bladder condition and I would need extra breaks and more access to the restroom. This was how I left it at first but it later got to where I sat with him and explained in mor detail what was going on. I felt I needed to because it would only be a matter of time before my conditon would be found out.
To tell you the truth, when I did that, I felt such a wave of relief. First because I did not need to carry the stress of hiding it with him but also if it ever did become an issue, he would know before hand and could provide a little back up. For example, if a coworker found out and reported you to him, he could tell them he was aware and for them to keep that to themselves. Also if you had an emergency and needed to go because you were leaking or whatever you would not need to waste time giving a reason. He would already have a clue and just give you the time you need.
Another benefit I got by telling him was he (in a very discreet way)contacted our insurance company to see if I could get assistance with cost and also mad available our employee assistance program which is there to provide counciling if needed which I did use because I was having a hard time coping at the time.
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Thu Jan 29, 2015 4:17 pm
Hi there,
Great question and I'm happy to share the circumstances of telling my boss. First off, my boss is also a Psychologist at the same center I work at and we've been colleagues and friends for well over 16 years now. While we don't necessarily share everything personal about our lives, we are reasonably close and we both have been able to offer support to one another in various difficult times we've each encountered. The day I told her, I had not had it in my head to share anything at all. Actually, she was sharing a story about a trip to see one of her doctors (for a possible heart condition if I recall) in which something rather embarrassing and demeaning happened to her by one of the techs that was working with her. She shared something that I considered to be very personal and allowed herself to be vulnerable with me as well as how she was feeling disempowered to stand up for herself. Before I knew it, I found myself telling her that there was a condition I'd been dealing with for the past few years, told her what it was and told her of a very recent "horror story" with a dermatologist I'd just been through. Knowing my boss as I do, I knew I could trust her to a) be professional with my information, b) be sensitive to my feelings and c) acknowledge the feelings of risk it took to share something personal. I told her I'm managing the condition the way I need to and that I will do everything I can to not let it interfere or disrupt my activities as a professional. I did share that I use protection so that I don't have to get up and leave a session or otherwise disrupt normal daily work functions. She just nodded and asked me if I needed any support from her. Honestly, it hasn't come up since I really don't expect to.
I realize not many people have a caring, supportive Psychologist for a boss and my experience may be somewhat unique. But I still bet looking back on it that most bosses, if they care about their employees, will handle it appropriately.
CJ
Great question and I'm happy to share the circumstances of telling my boss. First off, my boss is also a Psychologist at the same center I work at and we've been colleagues and friends for well over 16 years now. While we don't necessarily share everything personal about our lives, we are reasonably close and we both have been able to offer support to one another in various difficult times we've each encountered. The day I told her, I had not had it in my head to share anything at all. Actually, she was sharing a story about a trip to see one of her doctors (for a possible heart condition if I recall) in which something rather embarrassing and demeaning happened to her by one of the techs that was working with her. She shared something that I considered to be very personal and allowed herself to be vulnerable with me as well as how she was feeling disempowered to stand up for herself. Before I knew it, I found myself telling her that there was a condition I'd been dealing with for the past few years, told her what it was and told her of a very recent "horror story" with a dermatologist I'd just been through. Knowing my boss as I do, I knew I could trust her to a) be professional with my information, b) be sensitive to my feelings and c) acknowledge the feelings of risk it took to share something personal. I told her I'm managing the condition the way I need to and that I will do everything I can to not let it interfere or disrupt my activities as a professional. I did share that I use protection so that I don't have to get up and leave a session or otherwise disrupt normal daily work functions. She just nodded and asked me if I needed any support from her. Honestly, it hasn't come up since I really don't expect to.
I realize not many people have a caring, supportive Psychologist for a boss and my experience may be somewhat unique. But I still bet looking back on it that most bosses, if they care about their employees, will handle it appropriately.
CJ
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Sat Oct 31, 2015 6:10 pm
I chose to inform my bosses of my continence issues pretty much a s soon as they occurred, but I am fortunate to work for a church and my line manager as a friend before she became my boss, they were both understanding and sympathetic.
Re: Telling your boss your'e incontininent?
Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:42 pm
Incontinence was not an issue for me at my employment; bi-lateral Menere's Disease was. As long as I wore protection that did not cause any questions, nobody asked. I kept myself clean, changed as often as I could, and was careful to wear dark trousers. Meniere's is a different horse altogether. Meniere's is episodic, with periods of remission during which nobody would guess that I have a disability, alternating with periods during which intense vertigo dominates every waking moment. During my attacks folks remember how well I was recently, and, my boss included, think my staggering and vomiting are malingering. At one time, Meniere's dropped my weight down to 110 lbs (50 kgs), and I was hospitalized for two weeks, fed and hydrated by IVs. My Meniere's is atypical because it involves a cerebellar brain injury, but I was afraid to tell anybody that. Saying that I'm glad to be out would be such an understatement that it would border on a falsehood. The ADA is much like many other laws and regulations; they're wonderful and necessary, but they do not solve every relevant problem. Folks need to understand them and support their enforcement.