www.incontinentsupport.org

FYI: This is a rant/vent and a solicitation for advice. After several years of being incon I thought I got over all the stigmas, phobias, embarrassments, etc. I can stand in front of a doctor or my wife with just me and a diaper and I am fine. I've bought from AB/DL sites when the price or product was right and it wasn't an issue. I can get "felt up" and questioned by TSA and not be bothered by it. I've helped other newly incon folks deal with this issue ... But now ...

Now I have to go for a therapeutic (i.e., medically prescribed) massage and I am freaking out because I have to strip down to my "underwear". I feel like it's 2009 all over again and I am petrified ... Of what? I don't even know anymore! And I can't get up the nerve to make the appointment!

So I ask three questions: 1) When you got over all the issues and hassles of being incontinent, do you ever have a "flashback" and have to deal with "acceptance" (if that's even the right term) all over again? AND 2) If so, how did/do you? AND 3) Any special pearls of wisdom with being incon and undergoing a massage?

TIA.

ILuvLA, I think your reaction probably is fairly typical. Although we become more accustomed or "hardened" to our circumstance, I am not sure we ever completely get over all of our concerns about our incontinence and how others may react to it. I am doing reasonably well about accepting my bowel incontinence, but occasionally something will trigger old feelings of anxiety, etc.

Re the massage, don't try to hide the diaper - that probably would be impossible. Just wear a pair of plastic pants on top of the diaper, say nothing about it, and enjoy enjoy the massage (if that's possible). I am sure that the massage therapist has seen it all and will not say anything unless you bring it up first.

--John

We live in a tenitive world. We adjust, after time, to that world. Next we believe we "have seen it all". Then something new crops up and that world is threatened by something new, panic attack time. Then we realize we haven't seen it all and it shakes us up. It is life. Papa

1 & 2) Still, yes, on occasion. Whenever I am stumped by a new thing to have to figure out how to handle. This summer, it was getting back into mountain biking for the first time since surgery, trying to figure out what protection would keep me dry while not getting shredded from the physical activity. Plastic diapers of any thickness: no. Pull-ups: sadly, no, wouldn't stay in place. Abena pads with cotton fixing pants: not bad, but made too much laundry; would be fine if I had a washing machine. Solution: Tena Super Stretch. Problem solved, I moved on. Another bugger: amusement parks and water parks or just swimming. That I haven't quite mastered yet. I need a way to keep water from flushing back up my urethra and causing an infection, but haven't found a 'water tight' swim diaper yet. There have been many other instances over the last 3 years: flying and the TSA, road trips with friends, camping. There is trepidation before each new experience if I'm not sure how to handle it or how it will go. I've found a little planning and forethought goes a long way. So does privately disclosing on a 'need to know' basis.

3) I've not had a professional massage ever, but I'd imagine they would be just that--professional. If it was me, I'd probably wear a loose pair of boxers over the diaper (modesty about being obviously wet) and go in as clean and dry as possible.

I once had to go to a doctor where he had to look me over while I striped to my underwear. I have no problems disclosing my condition when needed but I try to keep this on a need to know basis, so I wore boxers over my diaper. He didn't say a word & my impression was that he didn't notice what I had underneath.

Thanks all for the sage advice. As stated above, "it is life" ... And to echo what many (including myself) have said, "it's time to get out there and start living". Can't thank you all enough!

Hey there,

I go get a massage once a month now. The first appointment I went to was absolutely terrifying. When I made the appointment I chose not to say anything about incontinence until I got there. The masseuse took me back to the therapy room and I told her then that I had an issue with my bladder and that I was wearing protection because of it. I asked her if that was going to be an issue for her. She replied, "I've seen everything. It's no big deal. Just let me know if you want me to avoid working on your glutes when I get there". I remember not being able to really enjoy that massage for the first 30 minutes and then I began to relax. I thanked the masseuse for her professionalism when she was done and it's been no big deal ever since. I did have a bit of a "flashback" as you called it when I got to an appointment one day and they had a sub lined up for her because she was out sick that day and so I had to repeat the process (I'm currently going to Massage Envy which by the way is a pretty good deal if you wish to go monthly or more often). The fill-in had already read my chart and told me before I could even say anything that she saw my regular therapist's notes and that she would check in with me when she got to my glutes. I always make sure to go to the bathroom when I get there and start the session in a dry diaper out of respect for the therapist. Getting over that initial hurdle really sucks but man, is it worth it!!

CJ