www.incontinentsupport.org

I would guess that most of us that use cloth diapers and plastic pants do not use them 100% of the time. Disposables are just to convenient at times. Ie. Traveling is one example. But the forum is about Cloth diapers so I will stick with that. I was diagnosed with cancer (prostate) and told upfront I would be incontinent after the surgery. It would last 3-6 months on average but could be a year or longer or 10% would deal with it for the rest of their lives. Survival rates for Prostate cancer are the same as for breast cancer 95% will live 5 years if the cancer had not yet spread out of the prostate. Besides incontinence a bigger (much bigger to me) "side affect" of the surgery would be impotence. I think the males here can understand that.
The first night after getting the "news" I sent my girlfriend (now my wife ) up to bed and told her I needed time alone to think. At about 1:00AM she came down to check on me and said she was having trouble sleeping also. "I don't know how I would deal with some one telling me I might die." she said. I looked up at her and said, "I am not worried about dying, I am worried more about living." That took her off guard. "What do you mean by that? How can you say such a thing?" I said "The dead have no worries. And after so much death in my life - mother when I was 9, friends at 21 and wife at 51 - I had/have no fear of dying. It is living with the after affects of this that has me going nuts."
I had first researched impotence but that was to depressing to think of. SO next I had researched incontinence. Page after page of people talking about dealing with it and 99% of them talking about diapers. She sat next to me after I told her of my searches. I told her that first off living and dying are out of my hands. Next the idea of possibly being impotent was maddening and there was little I could do about that either. Thirdly there was the incontinence. Even though I could not prevent it from happening it was the only thing you had control of dealing with. She asked what I had found. We sat there for a long time looking at sites and forums and help groups and more. As we all know, the world of incontinence and the world of diapers was like exploring the outer galaxy. So we went in search of diapers. I also decided to get a second opinion on the Cancer and my options. Surgery, the doctor said, was a "time is of the essence" thing. Meaning if the cancer had not spread out of the prostate the chances of survival go way up, but the longer I wait the higher chance of it spreading.
We looked over all the info on diapers we could and I decided to order them as soon as possible. It was an attempt to take back some control of the situation. I was looking only at disposable diapers, she suggested looking into cloth diapers also since they had been mentioned over and over as better for sleeping in especially if you were a side sleeper, which I was. We even had a few laughs as we came across the ABDL sites. "Oh come on, look at the cute diapers and plastic pants." she kidded. It was a stress reliever if nothing else. I just could not order anything but felt a little more in control just starting the process. Within a few days we did order diapers. Three types of disposables and cloth diapers and plastic pants. Four days later I came home from work and she announced "Your diapers arrived today." MY DIAPERS? that was reality shock.
They were the disposables the cloth diapers arrived a day later. Talking about it and seeing it were two different worlds. WTF moment. They sat on the dinning room table and for four days I just walked by and looked at the packages of disposable and the, now washed and dried 3 times, cloth diapers and plastic pants and diaper pins. By day five, which was a Sunday, she looked at me and said, "Well! Are you going to open them and see what they are like?" "Fine I said." and we opened them all and examined them. Two were the most absorbent we could find on line and one was a pull-on light weight thing. I touched and held them but was lost for words. "Well?" she said again. "Well What?" I said. "Are you going to try them on?" That caught me off guard. "HUH?" I replied. "Seriously. I assume we got them so you could try them out before you HAVE to wear them. Better to find out now they don't fit or work than later. Right?" I just stood there holding one n my hands. "Is this really where I am going to be?" She realized my angst and put a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you go up and put one on and wear it during the game which starts in 20 mins. Might as well get use to wearing one." I took a few moments and said "Why not." "Need help putting it on?" That again caught me off guard. "I think I can handle it." I said. and off I went.
This is getting too long. More later. Papa

Pappa,

That is a very touching story. Thanks for posting it.

I found the decision to wear diapers, and the concurrent acceptance of the fact that I had to wear diapers, to be very emotionally difficult. For me, that probably was the tipping point. Once past that point I found that dealing with the rest of the procedures, equipment, etc. that goes along with incontinence to be much easier.

--John

Papa, you were lucky to have a woman like her with you! I hope you tell her that every day, like I tell my wife.

Mike, I do. As it turned out three weeks after the diagnosis of cancer I had a heart attack which was also due to agent orange. The cancer surgery was pushed off three months due to recovery and the meds I was placed on. By the time I got operated on and then endured 10 days with a cath I was, I thought, fully ready for what ever came. All the "practice" with diapers was as useful as all the training to go to war. Yes, it was practical but nothing can really equal the real experience. Once you get your "Boots on the ground" it is a whole different world. As three months became six months and that became a year frustration, anger and near depression took its toll. Amazing how after even years of enduring something you still "do not get it". It has only been the last 3 or 4 years that I accepted this fate and deal with it now as part of normal living. Normal that is for those who are incontinent and in diapers. As far as the diapers go I knew right from the beginning that cloth diapers were going to be my preference. I prefer cotton over paper any day. Disposables are still there because of their practical use at times but I wear cloth diapers and plastic pants about 80% of the time. Papa

Thanks for sharing, Papa. I know we all have a story to tell about how we've arrived here. It's interesting hearing others stories. Sometimes it puts our own situation in perspective.

Papa,

Thank you for share, yes for me also I had a great wife to help me get through this, she has a uncanny humor that has kept me laughing when I probably would have broke down. One of her funnies was we were traveling and had driven a very long way, she looks over a me and said, look here we were not all wearing diaper and could you possibly stop so we can use the restroom. I looked at her and said, its not my problem that you don't have to wear diapers. We laughed so hard that I'm glad I had them on. Except, adapt and overcome



Have a Great Day

mlhjr, You are so right. Having a good wife, husband or partner makes it all so much better. Mine has accepted it from the beginning, more so than I did. Her humor kept me going when I was at my wits end. I did not always appreciate it and have apologized to her for being "grumpy" (A nice way of putting it) and not understanding how lucky I was to have someone who could laugh or kid about something I did not find funny. But you can understand that I think. Over the last few years I have loosened up and the humor and openly discussing practical matters about wearing diapers and making "lemonade from lemons" has allowed me to focus on more important matters.
I tried to handle all aspects of incontinence totally alone. Buying my diapers, washing them, drying them, folding them what I wore and so much more. At one part of it all I made sure the diapers never showed. She put up with it, and more, but one day when I rushed to throw on a pair of shorts when she walked in on me she had had enough. "Seriously?" she said. "What the hell are you doing? I have seen you in diapers and plastic pants for years and now you are embarrassed? Really? For the love of God relax. I love you. I could care less if you are more relaxed in just diapers and plastic pants. So loosen up!" We had a long talk. She knew how angry I got at times and frustrated. It was a turning point. But she also likes getting in the last word. As she headed out to go food shopping she walked by me patted my butt and when she got far enough away turned toward me and said, "You know what? I think you look so cute in diapers and laughed as she made a bee line to the car and I was in pursuit. I still have times of deep anger and angst, not all because of wearing diapers. But I have learned that she is one special woman and her understanding and love have always been there when I needed it.
And on a side observation, it is not that I have to wear diapers that bugs me so much it is that I use them and have no other choice. Papa

Papa wrote:mlhjr, You are so right. Having a good wife, husband or partner makes it all so much better. Mine has accepted it from the beginning, more so than I did. Her humor kept me going when I was at my wits end. I did not always appreciate it and have apologized to her for being "grumpy" (A nice way of putting it) and not understanding how lucky I was to have someone who could laugh or kid about something I did not find funny. But you can understand that I think. Over the last few years I have loosened up and the humor and openly discussing practical matters about wearing diapers and making "lemonade from lemons" has allowed me to focus on more important matters.
I tried to handle all aspects of incontinence totally alone. Buying my diapers, washing them, drying them, folding them what I wore and so much more. At one part of it all I made sure the diapers never showed. She put up with it, and more, but one day when I rushed to throw on a pair of shorts when she walked in on me she had had enough. "Seriously?" she said. "What the hell are you doing? I have seen you in diapers and plastic pants for years and now you are embarrassed? Really? For the love of God relax. I love you. I could care less if you are more relaxed in just diapers and plastic pants. So loosen up!" We had a long talk. She knew how angry I got at times and frustrated. It was a turning point. But she also likes getting in the last word. As she headed out to go food shopping she walked by me patted my butt and when she got far enough away turned toward me and said, "You know what? I think you look so cute in diapers and laughed as she made a bee line to the car and I was in pursuit. I still have times of deep anger and angst, not all because of wearing diapers. But I have learned that she is one special woman and her understanding and love have always been there when I needed it.
And on a side observation, it is not that I have to wear diapers that bugs me so much it is that I use them and have no other choice. Papa

Papa MHLJR, sounds like you guys have keepers! Good job!!