Re: How has incontinence impacted on your wife / partner.
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:09 pm
I'm resuming an old thread, since I am going through some spousal politics. Apologies for this being long....
My wife has been supportive since I became urinary urge incontinent. Around home/office I wear Tena for Men or RealFit, depending upon sales for accident prevention. She has no problem with these although she initially questioned whether I really need to wear 24/7. But there is the odd time when the bathroom is occupied when the urge hits -- so accident prevention to the rescue. She accepts that now.
However, when I leave home to go shopping or anything that takes me away from a toilet for a significant time, I need something far better than a drug store pull-up. Before I knew what I was doing, I did try shopping in these and sometimes came home totally soaked. I was very fortunate that I never experienced public leakage with a very heavy sagging diaper hanging between my legs.
I currently use the NS GoSupreme as emergency backup. But I have since preferred a tabbed brief for comfort and absorbency (plastic backed Tranquility SlimLine). When I discussed testing a brief one day (and showed her one), she was quite indignant about it. "That's a baby diaper!! Why would you even test that?!?" I didn't argue with her because of her tone but went away with a shrug and tested it that day anyway.
That proved to me that she has issues with me wearing briefs. At this point, I have decided to use whatever I feel I need to, since the embarrassment will be mine if it fails. I realize that my embarrassment is also her's to some extent. But dignity starts with me. Nobody sees the brief.
I like the comfort and assurance of the plastic backed Tranquility SlimLine (and price). So it seems that I need to continue with it when I want but keep it quiet. If she questions it later, then we'll have another talk about it.
The real issue is that she doesn't understand the limitations of the drug store diapers and what IC people actually use. I emailed her the "AN INTRODUCTION TO ADULT DIAPERS" document, hoping that she would read it at her leisure. But she hasn't (she doesn't like reading much).
She isn't mad about it or disowning me (the rest of the day was fine). She is just repulsed by it. The only thing I can do is to quietly do what I need to. Over time the resistance will hopefully fade. She has otherwise been trying to be supportive. She even forgave me for wetting the bed the other day. She was only disappointed that I didn't tell her about it first thing in the morning (I was so embarrassed!) I think her acceptance is going to need more time than I needed.
Has anyone else encountered spousal pushback when it came to what you needed to wear?
My wife has been supportive since I became urinary urge incontinent. Around home/office I wear Tena for Men or RealFit, depending upon sales for accident prevention. She has no problem with these although she initially questioned whether I really need to wear 24/7. But there is the odd time when the bathroom is occupied when the urge hits -- so accident prevention to the rescue. She accepts that now.
However, when I leave home to go shopping or anything that takes me away from a toilet for a significant time, I need something far better than a drug store pull-up. Before I knew what I was doing, I did try shopping in these and sometimes came home totally soaked. I was very fortunate that I never experienced public leakage with a very heavy sagging diaper hanging between my legs.
I currently use the NS GoSupreme as emergency backup. But I have since preferred a tabbed brief for comfort and absorbency (plastic backed Tranquility SlimLine). When I discussed testing a brief one day (and showed her one), she was quite indignant about it. "That's a baby diaper!! Why would you even test that?!?" I didn't argue with her because of her tone but went away with a shrug and tested it that day anyway.
That proved to me that she has issues with me wearing briefs. At this point, I have decided to use whatever I feel I need to, since the embarrassment will be mine if it fails. I realize that my embarrassment is also her's to some extent. But dignity starts with me. Nobody sees the brief.
I like the comfort and assurance of the plastic backed Tranquility SlimLine (and price). So it seems that I need to continue with it when I want but keep it quiet. If she questions it later, then we'll have another talk about it.
The real issue is that she doesn't understand the limitations of the drug store diapers and what IC people actually use. I emailed her the "AN INTRODUCTION TO ADULT DIAPERS" document, hoping that she would read it at her leisure. But she hasn't (she doesn't like reading much).
She isn't mad about it or disowning me (the rest of the day was fine). She is just repulsed by it. The only thing I can do is to quietly do what I need to. Over time the resistance will hopefully fade. She has otherwise been trying to be supportive. She even forgave me for wetting the bed the other day. She was only disappointed that I didn't tell her about it first thing in the morning (I was so embarrassed!) I think her acceptance is going to need more time than I needed.
Has anyone else encountered spousal pushback when it came to what you needed to wear?