Having a lot of down time after my surgery I have been catching up on some of the older post and a reoccurring theme I am seeing is how we cope and interact with others, specifically with those in the realm of the ABDL. Questions are being asked from both sides and I wanted to take a few moments to reflect on both sides and why there seems to be a tension coming from both sides. Now granted, I am no psychology major and only have an opinion from my personal experience and think I have a good idea why there continues to be a divide. First things first, there are many shades to each side of this topic. From the newly incontinent person, scared and unsure what life would be like and assuming that any joke or comment referencing diapers or incontinence is directed towards them in the most demeaning way possible to some one that has accepted his/her bodily qurks and has accepted life for what it is. Also from a person that is purely fixated on their an personal and sexual satisfaction to a person that is still concerned with others and feels they may be in a position to help others with the knowledge they have gained during their life with this fetish. Again, remember there are many shades for each of these people and sometimes these two paths cross.
Now, I can speak from personal experience that especially when someone was normal and thrown into the world of incontinence, that the attack on ones self-esteem and self view can be intense. I went from being so scared and humiliated to go out thinking the world would be able to tell what I had on and think of me as weak and feeble and also wanting to quit my job because of how I ultimately viewed myself and even to the point of pondering suicide. Things didn't help when I turned to the internet for answers just to learn how big the fetish world is and again another fear that I would be associated with this group I don't understand and made me feel even more like less of a person due to my inexperience. I quickly developed an DEEP hatred for those in the abdl world because again, I felt like they were somehow perpetuating the stigma of diapers and getting sexual gratification from me in my situation. This is one reason I think some people and most doctors look down on diapers as a viable option to manage incontinence. Again, look at me for example, both me and my doctor's put the option on the table for surgically placing a catheter through the abdomen and removing the bladder completely which would also have taken the prostate and the ability to have a normal sex life with my wife at the age of 38. Looking back now I can only stand in awe at how close I was to that reality just to keep from having to wear a diaper. That is how strong the fear and the stigma can be. I can only imagine that is the norm for how some cope with this but I have been around long enough to also know that some out there are not so self conscious and have a stronger disposition and adjust a lot quicker and see things more clear and faster. Some adjust quickly and move on as nothing is wrong. But also from my experience, those type of people don't stay with an online forum very long or even at all because they don't need that kind of support especially from outside sources. Now to the other side of the coin, we have the abdl. From what I have learned over we the years, this group can be equally diverse ranging from a person that is only fixated on their own sexual satisfaction with little to no empathy for those around them to those people that have an unknown reason to themselves of why diapers excite them but are still caring and thoughtful people that turn out to have an unusual fetish. Now, to muddy the waters even more, there are those that live in both worlds. For whatever reason they are incontinent and still are able to find part of the situation as pleasurable. I have spoken to both kinds of people They had a fetish for diapers and later became incontinent and those that somehow were able to find something positive. Kind of like looking for a silver lining. You see, this subject is very complex and has many angles but where I think things start to begin to clear up is where on the internet you are. For the most part, the people here are medically incontinent and looking for answers and support from people they do not view as threatening. That is the focus here and why the mods try so hard to not let that line blur. But without fail we get those people that are looking to pretend and get there jollies off. What is funny about this, those of us that have been around the block a few times can spot those that would have us think they are one of the medically incontinent ones and have a right to be here. Some think we are to stupid or that it is nothing more then a game. The first one that comes to mind was this person that joined a few years ago pretending to be severely disabled and just wanting friends but would post pictures of a disposable bed pad asking what size it was. This person ended up getting band and a day or two later registered again with a new name with another back ground story. We immediately knew it was the same person but let it go for a few days to see where things went. I later called him out again and told him not to come back. This is the behavior that causes the distrust and distaste for the fetish community by those that are already struggling to find peace with this condition. To this point is where I want to ask the community for their understanding and assistance. First call out is to anyone thinking about joining for the soul purpose to indulge in a fantasy of having to wear a diaper. You are playing with people that are struggling with something very deep and personal. Some may be on the verge of depression and saying the wrong thing could almost push them over the edge. The perfect example of this is he first forum I joined(not Depend) I had some one message me thinking they were helping say I was so lucky to be incontinent and have an excuse to wear a diaper all the time. I started out hating him but later turned that anger in words. Looking back, he was trying to help me find a bright side but that was from his point of view and from a stance of a abdl person. The next are those that walk both sides of this debate. Please think of those here that are struggling before you post. For that matter, think before you sign up. If you are incontinent and want to be supportive, don't, for the love of God choose a screen name like "Diaper Dave", Nappy_times", Bottle_Fed or even BabyBrian. Can you see how you are setting yourself up for distrust and conflict before you even make your first post. Now Brian, please don't take this personally. I am using you only as an example. Brian has made some contributions here but you are hurting your credibility first with the name and the continued discussion of your fetish side. It turns people off and takes away from the ultimate goal of this forum, to be a safe place for those that are struggling with this condition to find answers and support and the biggest thing, to not feel alone. There are hundreds of other sites and forums dedicated to the fetish side and the input there is not only welcomed but encouraged. My next suggestion is to the mods and especially schoppy. We need to stop approving new members with questionable screen names. For example, the last 5 names I would have kicked or at least asked them to change would be names like terrynappies, OldLeaky, theusofpee, Diaperedhawk and diaperdan7365. Those are just the last five in my opinion should have been asked to choose something different. We as moderators have a responsibility to keep this a safe and welcoming community. The other thing we need to do is try to be more of a filter for trash that is questionable. Yes, I am aware there are good products out there being sold right next to products geared for Abdls and that is where we need to step in and watch how things unfold. A good example of this is Angelfluff cloth diapers. In my opinion, they have some of the best cloth diapers out there with the most options in sizing but they also sell plastic covers with prints. That is not the kind of thing that needs to be flonted around here but it is a business and they are out to make money so they can sell what they want but they do have products that are safe from that part of things. Other companies primarily sell to the abdl world and we may need to limit some of that stuff. An excellent example of this point are products like Bambino diapers. I have read the praises of many say these are the best and most absorbent but the fact that they are sold with prints on the diapers is a line that we can't cross. There are plenty of other super absorbent diapers out there without having to go there. This is a site and a forum for those new to incontinence to feel safe and not so alone and most of all like they are not drowning in sexual deviancy. Our goal is to help those feel comfortable with who they are and eventually comfortable with seeking the best product for their own situation. Another example of this is when I first tried cloth diapers. The first few years I viewed cloth as being only for the fetish world and not practical in any way. After reading here and getting input from members I had built a relationship with I began to explore those options and learned the qualities cloth had to offer and was thrilled with the level of protection and comfort they could offer. For those that are now where I was then, just the idea of being able to safely sleep on my side again was a God send.
There is a time for everything and also a time to draw a line in the sand and say, "no more!". Remember who we are trying to help here and keep the focus there. I guess my ultimate goal for our members here is 1)to be a supportive resource for those new to this path 2) get people comfortable enough with their own bodies and self image to be comfortable with exploring the many choices we have for treatment, management and types of protection and above all else 3) get our members to a point where they don't need to resort to an online forum to feel better about themselves or how they want to manage their own incontinence. I want to see everyone get to the point where they can move on and be happy!
That is just my two cents.
Rope
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