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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 1:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:33 pm
Posts: 1512
Location: MI
Tartlon, are you of the Eastern Catholic rite or of the Greek/Russian Orthodox Church? Or am i mistaken in thinking your silhouette is one of those two rites. Forgive me in advance if i make an a#@ out of you and me by assuming. :P
Tarlton wrote:
I know your pain to some extent as I am a priest. It had caused difficulties for me to say the least. It's ironic that I encourage people to share their struggles but I cannot share mine. ...

Given the stigma with this condition it would be hard to establish rapport with teenagers who simply do not understand issues like this right out of the gate. Of course I have correted immature laughter regarding incontinence in them and scolded boys making fun of a girl whose pad made her "look like she's wearing a diaper." As a clergyman you have one arm behind your back to begin with as you try to establish trust with individuals. Add to that, as a "celebrity" everyone both wants you to be impeccable and yet they also want to see you dragged through the mud. You're not allowed to be a normal person with normal health concerns or even normal emotional problems. You're limited to a precious few friends and trusted people that can help you deal with your own issues.

One might think it hypocritical to preach truth and yet hide a basic part of ones humanity. But the reality is, priests have tried the "buddy" method, and it has failed. That's not what people need. They need to have faith in an ideal, that their priest/Pastor can withstand the world. They need the person on the pedastol, unblemished and unfazed when he/she is ridiculed so that they can withstand the world. When the pastor is too human, your buddy, it invites all sort of human problems and allows human weaknesses to be probed more. As a minister you represent holy, Άγιος. Which when translated litterally means, "not of this earth." You don't represent yourself. You represent something bigger than yourself and so you try to take as much of "you" out of the equation. The incontinence would be a distraction. If that makes any sense...

I don't even tell my brothers my condition, which has led to some difficulties as I refuse to double book unless it cannot be helped, and during those occasions work very hard to hide everything.

Luckily for me, my OAB/ urge incontnence is managable enough for me to discreetly wear, change and dispose of. I am sure eventually it will come out, but if it does I would rather it be after I have been in the parish long enough that the people know me and judge me on my ministry and not my condition. When that happens it can be an excellent teaching moment, but before that you have the impossible dychotomy of a task of simultaneously getting people to trust you as an individual while also erasing the context of "you" from the ministry so that they see more what you represent than the flawed person we all are.

For you, I would tell the pastor in charge and express your concerns for trips/ interactions/ etc. hopefully he/she will be able to advise you spiritually on how you should proceed, either with full disclosure as you think you must do, or limited only to him/her with accommodations made to help you both manage your incontinence and also do your job. Good luck and may your ministry be blessed.

_________________
"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II


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