www.incontinentsupport.org

This is bothering me less than it used to, but it's not really something I feel there's been any real resolution for, it's just over time gotten less acute. Most of the things I do over the course of a day don't really cause thoughts about masculinity to come up. I go to work, I do chores, errands, see friends, whatever, all that is fine. But sometimes when I'm changing my diaper and it turns out that it's extra wet/heavy that time for whatever reason... it's impossible to see the diaper as just "a different kind of underpants". A man's underwear shouldn't be heavy with his own pee.

And it's at those times that I'm reminded that for most men a full bladder is something that doesn't require immediate action, and doesn't involve leaking. I keep thinking about the fact that probably half the men I see walking around every day, probably have a full bladder at the time I see them, and they're completely dry in front and they're not panicking about finding a bathroom. Probably a lot of them won't even decide it's time to go to the bathroom at all, for another hour. And all of that time they're holding in their full bladders and going about their lives.

To me, that level of masculinity is amazing. I've never been that kind of masculine. I was always dribbling in my underpants and running for the bathroom. I wanted to be that kind of masculine, when I first called up the urologist and made that first appointment. It just turned out that it wasn't in the cards.

I don't really have a resolution for this. I still feel this way every time I think about it. Over time I guess I've just been thinking about it less. It still pops up for me when I'm at Walmart and I pass by the men's underwear aisle and see the packages of men's underwear with the photos of the men wearing it. And they look so casual and masculine and everything I wanted to be. Heck, maybe the underwear models were holding a full bladder at the time the photo shoot happened. And then here I am with an empty bladder and a full diaper. I can't do all the "guy stuff" like standing next to the other guys at the urinal, either.

I'm curious if other men have had this stuff come up for them, and if anyone has thoughts.